A mediator ridiculing mediation is healthy exercise. With humor any conflict is source of entertainment; clowns are funny because they deal with conflict.
If you are a regular reader or writer in www.mediate.com; you cannot be trusted as a real conflict solver because you are surely more a theorist than a facilitator.
If you think mediation is a new profession, you are erroneous; it began when a human for first time was asked by others to mediate a food dispute.
If you feel the need to read mediation books to become a mediator, you are disoriented; mediation existed long before books were even invented.
If you consider that mediators require specialized education, better ask in which university a four year old girl learned to facilitate the dispute between her siblings.
If you guess that present mediators are better prepared than past mediators, you are missing the point; mediators are always insufficiently prepared.
If you speculate that mediators solve conflicts, you are completely wrong; in mediation only the parties solve conflicts.
Strictly, mediators are unnecessary for the solution of conflicts.
An intervention of a mediator is illustrated in the following true story case:
Mediated introduce themselves: Last Monday we left home and our car stopped after eight minutes; it was sudden. We returned home and started a very strong discussion. We knew that what troubled us was how to tell our stories. The sentiment was uncommon. Between us there has been mostly friendship so we cannot argument we are to blame. We felt it was a mistake and we will never repeat it. We are furious.
Mediator: Your case is very complex. A car may stop for a huge variety of reasons: Lack of gas, electrical problem, insufficient maintenance, just because it is old, weather too extreme, disruptive pavement, the position of the moon or the brightness of the sun, the force of the wind, bad previous reparation, a wrong system to change gears. Also, number eight is intriguing, it may have conflicting symbols.
The collapsing of the legal profession is very dangerous for society; the field of conflict resolution may soon be occupied by mediators.
If you mediators feel that cognitive neuroscience is at the very heart of problem solving, you are right: there is no mind without body.
Any association between mediation and peaceful dialogue is pure accident.
If you experience you could be a mediator all time; better see first what time of the day is, how the night before went, where are the emotions and the status of the climate.
If you deem appropriate in mediation to identify first which is the problem, you may be a good lawyer or judge.
If you mediators follow the practice of asking many questions, you may also learn to keep silent. A real case follows.
A couple went to mediation and told the mediator: We decided to end our business partnership, but we don’t agree how to do it.
The mediator responded: Do you still have feelings for your partner? Were you ever really partners? Are you truly ready for separation or are you just threatening? Is this a sincere decision based on self awareness or is only emotion? What is your intent in wanting separation? Have you resolved your internal conflict over the separation? What are your possible interests and outcomes? Did you abandon your initial positions? What do you really want from this? What could be some of the options of agreement? Where are the points of agreement? What is your Plan B and Plan C? What is your worst case scenario? Are you willing to take control of your life in a responsible and mature way? What are your intended outcomes and interests? What are some possible external standards? Can you handle the unpleasant consequences of this separation? What is your game plan? Why should you hire me?
The couple left immediately after the mediator finished the questions and never went back. They thought the mediator was a lunatic.
In a real case the mediated thought the mediator incorrectly decided the result of the mediation; it was a judge sentencing how to enforce the law.
A real case showed that the two parties to a conflict believed they went to mediation; after few hours of desperation they realized they took the door for the meditation room.
In another real case, after the mediation session ended the mediated were intoxicated; later they became conscious they actually went to a medication session.
After a mediation session the mediated were much more confused; they had participated in a contemplation exercise.
In a true story, a mediator entered the incorrect room to mediate a conflict; after the session ended he realized that the attendants thought he was a story teller.
For different reasons the mediator, the lawyer, the psychologist, the priest and the psychiatric are paid for the same job: the mediator for the parties solving the conflict, the lawyer for administering the conflict of the parties, the psychologist for possible causes of the conflict, the priest for asking god assistance to solve the conflict, and the psychiatric for the prescription to the pharmacist.
In this episode, Bruce Ally--mediator and a Principal at A Place for Mediation Inc.-- discusses how mediators can help parties 'get the full picture' when mediating accident cases. Here are...By Bruce Ally, Veronica Cravener