Divorce is a Rollercoaster

Make sure you are buckled in for this ride.

You feel anticipation, worry, anxiety and fear.  It can be likened to when you are waiting to get on a rollercoaster ride.  You continually question if this is for you.  On the ride, you close your eyes, scream and hold on tight.  The ride goes fast and may seem that it will never end.  When the ride stops, you feel dizzy and nauseous.  This is divorce.

In the early phases of divorce, it’s hard to be patient while proceeding with your life as if nothing has transpired.  

It is challenging to work daily, raise your kids, and take care of your home while hurting inside.  Divorce saturates all aspects of your life, and you are impacted financially, emotionally, and psychologically.

Whether you prompted the separation or your spouse did, divorce is amongst the most traumatic, heartbreaking and life-changing circumstances you will ever undergo.  The adjustment period after a divorce can take years.  Some people start the emotional journey when they acknowledge the marriage is finished, which can be well before the parties choose to divorce. 

Financially you may feel overwhelmed and question how you will be able to support yourself and your children.  Will you have to work multiple jobs to prevail?  Where will you be able to afford to live?  The questions can be constant.

The best way to describe the course to recovery from divorce is to analogize it to a rollercoaster ride.  You will move onward, and then suddenly go into a loop and end up where you started, and then move forward again, but this time there is a significant drop, followed by a climb, but ultimately, the ride ends, thankfully.

There will be times you are disoriented or devastated.  Other times you will feel like you are emotionally drowning.  You may become depressed or edgy.  Your emotions can be exhausting as they come and go.  

You may experience regret, guilt, shame, shock, embarrassment, anger, disbelief, heartbroken, sad, devastation, trauma, bitterness, and hostility.

It is essential not to bottle up these emotions.  Speaking with a counsellor or divorce coach will help.

That’s why it’s vital to find a compassionate mediator or divorce coach who understands and is sympathetic to your situation.  A good professional can help you get through the process quickly and get you back on track with your life.

You can survive the ride.  Here are some tips.

Pick your battles.  Simply put, don’t battle with your spouse over every point.  Pick the ones that are important to you.  Set aside your resentment and hostility, especially when negotiating a settlement.  Concentrate on the task at hand.  You will get to the finish line quicker and with your sanity intact. 

Avoid posting everything on social media.  This is when you want to keep yourself and not air your laundry.  Statements you make may be painful to your ex.  You may think your ex won’t find out, but rest assured, the probabilities are high that they will.  This may hurt your chances of a resolution or good co-parenting relationship.  If you are going into a trial, this may damage your position.

Protect Your Children In the Divorce Process.  It is common for children to assume they are the reason why their parents are divorcing.  It is unfair to your children to discuss your negative feelings about the other parent or what is transpiring in the divorce.  Now is the time to support your children and give them all the love and attention you can.  Take them to counselling if you feel it would benefit them.  Reassure them that both parents love them. 

Divorcing parties will find peace of mind once they have accepted their circumstances and are ready to negotiate a settlement.  Once you are at this point, you will also feel a sense of relief and conceivably look forward to your new life.

author

Marian Grande

Marian Grande is a Mediator and Founder of Absolute Dispute Resolution. By combining positive communication techniques with her knowledge of family law, civil litigation and legal processes, Marian helps parties solve their own problems and reach lasting agreements that are conducive to all parties involved in a dispute. Marian has over… MORE

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