What it Takes to be Conflict Masterful

Conflict Management Blog by Cinnie Noble

How we define conflict mastery and the characteristics needed to be and be seen as such varies. In general, this term refers to being comfortable engaging in conflict – realizing it is an inevitable and normal part of our lives. It is also about distinguishing necessary from unnecessary conflict and being aware of ourselves and who we are when provoked or provoking others.

Conflict mastery also means being able to regulate our emotions, to gain perspective on the situation and the other person, to be empathetic, to be attuned to the dynamic at play, to be able to stand back from the situation and reflect, and to take responsibility for our contribution. These and other ways of considering the meaning of conflict mastery provide us with benchmarks to gauge what we want to strive for to be better able to engage in and manage situations that cause us and others tension.

For this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog, the objective is to consider what conflict mastery means to you.

  • What, for you, are the main ingredients of conflict mastery, other than those listed above?
  • When you are conflict masterful, how do you see yourself?
  • How might others see you when you are conflict masterful that you have not included in your previous answer?
  • Which references in the above paragraphs (before the questions) most resonate about your current skills in conflict?
  • Which references in the above paragraphs indicate characteristics you would like to develop/improve?
  • What conflict masterful traits have you observed in others that you especially admire that you have not mentioned yet?
  • When you are being less than masterful at conflict, what is your default?
  • How do you currently show up when it comes to your default?
  • How will you improve your skills at engaging in conflict?
  • When you improve your conflict mastery skills, what do you anticipate will be different in your interactions?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?

Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE >

Featured Mediators

View all

Read these next


Mediation: What is it Really About?

From Mervyn Malamed's Positive Conflict Management BlogMediation is a non-binding, voluntary, informal dispute settlement option, designed to avoid litigation and its tolls. Mediation is successful more than 75% of the...

By Mervyn Malamed

ABA Section Chair, Homer LaRue

By Jeff Thompson[1] I recently conducted a Q & A via email with JAMS neutral Homer LaRue (pictured left), Esq. who is the new Chairperson for the American Bar Association’s...

By Jeff Thompson

The Greatest Generation

From the Blog of Phyllis G. Pollack.        I am a baby boomer which means that my mother is a member of The Greatest Generation. Like other members of that...

By Phyllis Pollack

Find a Mediator