Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal
I had a short lived fight with my wife, Linda, recently that I actually feel good about, because it shows the positive results of my ( and her) long hard work on forgiveness.
It was Wednesday, when my wife does the weekly grocery shopping, and there was no turkey or salad greens for my usual lunch until she got home. I came back from errands and the gym at 2pm, ravenous, and she was still not back from the grocery store.
I was waiting, chopping vegetables, and getting grumpier by the minute, muttering to myself judgmental statements like,”Why can’t she get it together to leave earlier? It’s outrageous that she isn’t home yet.”
When she finally got home at 2:30, we had an “I’m so irritated and irrational that I’ll bite your head off” fight, with accusations and defensive counter accusations of the four year old temper tantrum variety flying back and forth. She stomped out of the kitchen, and I continued chopping.
A few minutes later, she came back into the kitchen, and we had a very different conversation.
Linda: (calmly and sincerely) You know, we don’t have to stay mad at each other.
Me: (genuine and curious) We don’t?
Linda: No, we don’t.
Me: Ok. I’m done then. I love you.
Linda: I love you too.
And the miracle was, we both were truly finished with the argument. It never came up again; there was no more irritation or resentment about that incident.
Of course, it was a silly argument in the first place, but that hadn’t stopped us in the past from being mad and holding a grudge for a much longer time.
So what helped me let go so quickly?
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