My spouse and I will soon divorce
I have a sinking feeling,
She’s found another who suits her more
my emotions won’t stop reeling.
We’re waiting to see a mediator
who will walk us through a course
of talks about our private lives
I can’t think of anything worse.
I’m hijacked by amygdala
and cannot contemplate,
the life ahead, it all feels bad
I’m stuck in ruminate.
Fears have got me hostage,
my anger won’t subside,
adrenaline has me shaking
my rage I cannot hide.
Will I fly or will I fight,
I am torn between the two,
hormones flowing, temper growing,
I don’t know what to do.
But wait a minute, here’s a break
my mediator’s just called
alas she’s stuck in traffic
it seems her engine stalled
She suggests we watch a video
while awaiting her arrival,
I check the stack and soon pick out
Abbott and Costello.
I pop the movie in the deck
and soon we’re in raucous laughter,
scene after scene prompts still more
and tears come soon thereafter.
The neutral arrives we pause the tape
and start negotiations,
I’m noticing that I am engaged
in full participation.
We list our needs and remedies
and then brainstorm a schedule.
I feel creative and alive,
I’m functioning at a whole new level.
What happened to the anger,
what dissipated my rage?
I watch a silly movie
and now I am assuaged?
Can it be this is the cure
for reptilian behavior,
induce some laughs, shift mentally
high-brain soon will follow?
My Theory is that people in conflict who enter mediation are almost always, to varying degrees, going to be in a state of uncertainty. This doubt evokes fear which in turn engages the amygdala which in turn drives the release of adrenaline and other hormones. It is necessary for mediators to address those fears in some way so that parties can disengage the amygdala and thus access their higher thoughts, creativity and intuition, available when the neo-cortex is accessible. Studies have shown that humor can help people access the creativity and problem solving skills that reside in the neo-cortex (Goleman 85) .
In order to aide clients in that transition, we will be well served to have waiting rooms that are appointed with images that invite the viewer to dream about far away places or have puzzles available that challenge their creative thinking. We could also have music playing that may help evoke positive emotions, anything that may lift the spirits of the client. The ultimate goal is to help prepare disputants for negotiations by assisting them in engaging that portion of their brain that allows them to be out of a primitive mindset.
Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence. Bantam. New York. 1997.
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