Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal
Many conflicts at work and everywhere expand and linger because people believe there is only one right answer or one way to see or do things. If instead of seeing the world in narrow extremes of right/wrong either/or etc., you can shift to yes/and, embracing those differences in perspective, it can help defuse conflicts at all levels.
The Battle over GIF
I read an article recently about the Graphics Interchange Format which amply demonstrates the problem with right/wrong thinking. Apparently, there is an intense battle raging worldwide over the correct pronunciation of GIF. The majority of people, in the US and Europe, think it should be pronounced with a hard G (in give), while a vocal minority, especially those whose languages don’t contain a hard G, believe it should be pronounced with a soft G (as in gin)
Like most of my compatriots,
I personally pronounce it with a hard G. But it never occurred to me that there had to be one right way or that Twitter and Facebook could “blow up” with impassioned, abusive, and angry Tweets and posts.
For many years I taught ESL (English as a Second language) to advanced students who had previously studied English in Great Britain, Australia, South Africa, Hong Kong, India, or various countries in Africa. I quickly learned that there was more than one correct pronunciation for many words, depending which geographic area your English comes from. And dictionaries often show alternative pronunciations as well.
So why are people so heated and angry about how to say GIF?
I don’t think it has much to do with the actual pronunciation of the word. I think it has a lot more to do with inclusive versus dualistic thinking. So many of the people I work with as a coach or trainer around issues of conflict and communication are deeply and unconsciously invested in dualistic thinking—that only one person, theory, opinion, or pronunciation, can be right and therefore the other options must be wrong. This idea makes a win-win solution, collaboration, compromise, or even simply agreeing to differ with a colleague extremely difficult to achieve. A lack of yes/and thinking impedes resolving or managing conflict at work.
Yes/And offers a way out.
When people can shift and expand their perspective to include different, multiple, rightness and truths, it opens up the possibilities of compassion, acceptance, cooperation, and more creative problem solving.
What does it take to move from right/wrong to yes/and?
Here are some suggestions from my own work on myself and with clients:
Frank Sander speaks of how he became involved in negotiation and dispute resolution, emphasizing that it was more of an evolving path laid before him rather than a conscious choice...By Frank Sander
Peter Salem has been with the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) since 1994, first as the Associate Director and since 2002, as the Executive Director. He has been...By Peter Salem