Freedom and Peace of Mind After Conflict

Tammy Lenski’s Conflict Zen Blog

I’m disillusioned with terms like “conflict management” and “conflict resolution,” though I continue to use them. I use them because I haven’t yet found an optimal replacement.

When I’m in conflict, I’m not particularly interested in managing it. From the midst of turbulence, “management” of conflict feels almost ridiculous, like trying to contain a cat that’s just fallen in a full bathtub.

I sometimes want to resolve it, but “resolution” has a sense about it, like a box wrapped in tissue paper and tied up with a pretty little bow, that conveys fully sorted out, nothing left amiss. In relationship conflict, that’s an elusive goal and I fear trying to reach it leaves a lot of people suffering. It is an insufficient word.

I would like to navigate the conflict better, yes. I’d like to engage it in a way that leaves me feeling good about the way I’m behaving, though I can say with absolute certainty that I will always aspire to this and with some frequency miss the mark. Neither navigation nor engagement speaks to me; neither echoes what I want in my soul.

What I really want when I’m in conflict with my beloved husband, is to be free from it. I want that for both of us. Not freedom as in avoidance, but freedom as in done well and right and moving on. What I really want when I’m in conflict with a fellow board member or a colleague is to finish it, not damage the relationship if I want or need it to continue, and not let it eat too much of my tomorrow.

I want my freedom and peace of mind. What do you want?

                        author

Tammy Lenski

Dr. Tammy Lenski helps individuals, pairs, teams, and audiences navigate disagreement better, address friction, and build alignment. Her current work centers on creating the conditions for robust collaboration and sound decisions while fostering resilient personal and professional relationships. Her conflict resolution podcast and blog, Disagree Better, are available at https://tammylenski.com/archives/… MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

Four Phases of the Mediation Process – Video

This video describes the four phases of the mediation process. This is an informative role-play produced by Jean Munroe and TennesseeMediation.com. The topic of the mediation is divorce and child...

By Tennessee Mediation
Category

Some Mediation Expectations and Musings

After more than 1,200 hours of actual time at the mediation table, and without apology for over simplification, I share with you some of my (perhaps naive) musings about others’...

By David Karp
Category

Boston, Violence, and Listening

Eye on Conflict Blog by Lee Jay Berman“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Stephen R. Covey We are once again in the wake of a tragedy. News...

By Lee Jay Berman

Find a Mediator

X
X
X