Failure IS An Option

My students’ questions sometimes haunt me for days.

My most recent ghost of Christmas Future is the question whether it’s ever an option to let an organization fail.

Not only is it an option, there’s an entire legal specialty devoted to organizational failure – bankruptcy, particularly that branch of bankruptcy that permits institutional reorganization.

But the question more on my mind for the past week has been personal rather than commercial. Is individual failure ever an option?

If it is, that’s good news for all of us who are busy trying to shore up systems that might be failing, relationships that might not be serving us well and careers that are latched onto our necks like Vampires.

I have friends whose jobs have quite literally killed them and they weren’t people working with dangerous machinery.

They were lawyers.

Everyone has an idiosyncratic response to the presumed failure vs. pretense of success dilemma. One former colleague told me no one ever left the AmLaw100 for any reason other than failing to make the grade. Since he’s now counsel at a major motion picture studio, and one of the best lawyers it’s ever been my pleasure to call a colleague, I’m going to assume he’s changed his mind about that, particularly since I follow his happy life on Facebook.

Once, in a class at the Straus Institute composed 50% of boomers getting a late-in-life LL.M degree and 50% of law students, the Professor asked everyone to write down their greatest fear and then to pass it to the person sitting next to us.

My 50% – the elders – all wrote “nothing” even though death must surely occur once in awhile as a certain and dreaded event. The other 50%, the kids who still believe they’ll live forever, all wrote this word.

Failure.
The boomers had been there at least once and failure was not just someone else’s opinion or a vague premonition that had awoken us at 3 a.m. Failure had occurred. In our marriages or with our children. In our careers or our avocations. We’d been laid off or, worse, terminated for cause. We’d lost our money in one recession or another, many of us in the 80s and others in the 90s. Our young adult dreams failed to manifest themselves in our middle years. We’d achieved less than we believed possible. We’d made mistakes for which there were no “do overs.”

If that sounds horrible, you’re on the other side of 40. Failure, particularly to high achievers, is bracing, tonic, liberating. One survives it. And most thrive in the wake of it.

Things fall apart and plans go awry when they aren’t the best fit for us. The shoes of our occupation may have been pinching our feet for decades and we’ve gone along assuming it’s our fault for not knowing how to lace them up the right way. Or worse, we decide that there’s simply something deeply wrong about us. There is no “right” size shoe for our left foot. We’re meant to suffer or that chronic pain is something everyone has to put up with.

Why do you think they call it work?

Here’s what happens after career “failure.”

Recovery. Resilience. Happiness. Fulfillment. A higher purpose. Mastery of something we’re actually well-suited for. Autonomy. Family. Friends. Comfort. Peace.

Failure turns out not to be an elective in the university of life. It’s a requirement.

                        author

Victoria Pynchon

Attorney-mediator Victoria Pynchon is a panelist with ADR Services, Inc. Ms. Pynchon was awarded her LL.M Degree in Dispute Resolution from the Straus Institute in May of 2006, after 25 years of complex commercial litigation practice, with sub-specialties in intellectual property, securities fraud, antitrust, insurance coverage, consumer class actions and all… MORE >

Featured Mediators

ad
View all

Read these next

Category

De-escalate Anger With This Straightforward Invitation

When someone is emotionally swamped by anger, it can be helpful to redirect them temporarily away from their feelings and engage their cognitive capacities. The following invitation helps de-escalate anger...

By Tammy Lenski
Category

Will mediate for beer: as times get tough, locals turn to bartering

At The Pigs, a pub in Norwich, England, locals can trade food — produce they’ve grown or game they’ve caught — for beer. According to the sign posted in the...

By Diane J. Levin
Category

Lessons from the Bioethics Field

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION. This article was originally published in Alternatives, Volume 21, Number 6 (June 2003). Mediating disputes with persons of diminished capacity poses unique challenges. How does mediation fulfill...

By Ellen Waldman

Find a Mediator

X
X
X