Dr. Joan Kelly’s Top Ten Ways to Protect Your Kids from the Fallout of a High Conflict Break-Up

June 13, 2011

I have been fortunate to train with Joan B. Kelly, who is world-renowned for her research, teaching and working with children of divorce. She is a clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. from Yale and, luckily, she lives in Marin County, so I have been able to attend several of her trainings.

Here are Joan’s Top Ten recommendations for divorcing parents on how to minimize the impact of divorce on their children. While she writes it for high conflict divorces, I think her wisdom applies to all divorcing families.

1. Talk to your children about your separation.

2. Be discreet.

3. Act like grown-ups. Keep your conflict away from the kids.

4. Dad, stay in the picture.

5. Mom, deal with anger appropriately.

6. Be a good parent.

7. Manage your own mental health.

8. Keep the people your children care about in their lives.

9. Be thoughtful about your future love life.

10. Pay your child support.

If you would like additional information about these recommendations, let me know.

If you are a divorcing or divorced parent, you’ll want to read her book: Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope with Divorce.

Nancy Hudgins

Nancy Hudgins, a San Francisco mediator and lawyer, began specializing in civil litigation in the 1970's. She has represented both plaintiffs and defendants, chiefly in personal injury, medical malpractice, elder abuse and product liability lawsuits, but also in a wide variety of complex litigation, including civil rights, fraud and class… MORE >