Lily , Los Osos ca 02/15/10
I agree that mediation is not advisable for kids under 11. However, as an adolescent family therapist, I believe you need to empower and engage your adolescents in problem solving behavior. It's kind of like "leading from behind". you need to take into account their developmental/maturity level, and of course there are "non negotiable" house rules, but you as a parent need to allow for growth, and areas that CAN be mediated and negotiated. Learn to let go of some of the reigns, especially as your teen shows maturity.
So many parents go the other way, they begin to CONTROL more, at the first sign of their teen disobeying (normal developmental phase). Parenting a teen is a dance, and a hard one at that!
Okay, that's my two cents worth of psychobabble. good luck!
Jennifer , Roebuck 11/09/09
this is a good example of how things should be.
@ Robyn, this is an article on Parents with Teens and how to deal with the conflict. When your child is younger they can not make most decisions on their own with forethought.
Just yesterday this would have come into use for me and my mother. We were cleaning her car when I asked if I could go clean the kitchen instead of waiting on her to tell me where things go. She said no and started getting onto me for waiting on her to tell me what to do instead of using initiative. This escalated into her calling me idiot, stupid, and explaining how I was never going to amount to anything because I was to lazy and such. As soon as she started cussing me out I went to the kitchen to clean it. She followed me in and continued. She now is refusing to take me to school for a week because I finally cracked and called her names back. She also tells me I'm going to be a crack whore and she is going to see my dead body in a ditch somewhere because some guy kissed me when I was a freshman in high school. Etc. etc. etc. I'm pretty sure this article was aimed more towards people like us.
Gary , Long Beach CA 06/24/08
spread the word
Please spread your vital information to the wacky teens on that new show baby borrowers...they dont seem to know how to deal with the kids and teens they look after. they could use your wisdom
Robyn , OR 02/20/07
I'm not sure....
It seems to me that this just does not work well in many situations. Like if you disagree if a child should go to stay at her friends home that you don't think is a safe place, then should they get their way and go to an unsafe place every other time they ask? No. I think the parents have to BE parents and make the calls on what they feel is good for their kids, and the kids really need to learn to do what the parents say, although I do feel it is important to tell the kids why you are making your decision and to listen to their side of things, even if you don't decide things in their favor.
I think that many situations are harder because of the negotiation process, and kids that are given this right of negotiating everything have less respect for the parental rights of making decisions for their children, and seem to feel that they have the "right" rather than "privledge" to make their own calls on things (and I know because I have raised my kids with this type of negotiation system and I am suffering for it now). My 11 year old daughter turns almost everything into a negotiation, and I am getting tired of negotiating most everything I want her to do! I think this has created a monster, whereas being a stronger parent and directing more would have been a better choice, in my opinion.