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Change the Frame: The Picture Changes

Conflict Management Coaching Blog by Cinnie Noble

When we are in conflict, we often conjure up a way to describe what’s going on when we relate it to others. And that version is not always 100% accurate. For example, we might make assumptions about the other person; we perceive the story in ways that serve us and build a case against the other person; we minimize our contribution; we construct a frame that strengthens our perspective; and so on. For the most part, we put a frame around our stories when we tell others in order to justify our viewpoint and criticize the other’s.

The thing is, the frame may be crooked; it may be unsuited to the picture we painted of our conflict; it may be too big or too small; or it may even be broken.

In this week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog, you are invited to consider the frame you’ve put around your conflict and what one might be most appropriate.

  • In the specific conflict you have in mind, what happened?
  • When you have related the conflict to others, how do you frame your part?
  • What words do you use to describe your emotions that give depth to your experience in this conflict?
  • What part or parts do you leave out in the telling of what happened?
  • What part of the frame – regarding your part – is not altogether true?
  • How might the other person frame how you are coming across?
  • How do you frame the other person’s part in the conflict? What part of that do you not know for sure?
  • What words do you use to describe their emotions about their experience?
  • What part or parts of the other’s experience are you likely framing incorrectly?
  • What frame may work for both of you?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?
                        author

Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE >

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