Carrying the Weight of Conflict

Conflict
Management Blog by Cinnie Noble

It often seems that we carry a heaviness in ourselves – our hearts, our heads, our whole beings – when we are in conflict with another person. The intensity varies depending on the person, the situation, what was said, how it was said, and any number of other variables that influence the nature and amount of weight we continue to carry. This may be the case whether or not the conflict issues were resolved.

Even though we have trouble shedding the hold the conflict has had on us, we might try to resume the relationship anyway. Other times we ignore the other person, or act as if everything is okay though it isn’t. In any case, there is frequently an underlying hope that things will just get better and the angst will pass. It doesn’t always though.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a conflict about which you are carrying a weight.

• What is the situation?
• How would you describe the heaviness you are carrying?
• Where are you carrying it?
• How much would you say the heaviness weighs (in pounds, grams)?
• What does the weight feel like?
• If you were to throw out something that is especially heavy and useless to carry, what would be the first thing you would toss?
• What makes that useless (your answer to the previous question)?
• If you threw that heavy weight out, what weight would you be left with (in pounds, grams)?
• What are your unspoken hopes about the conflict?
• How might you make that happen (your answer to the previous question)?
• What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
• What insights do you have?

                       

Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You. MORE >