Jeff Murphy is a trained mediator and an attorney with over 35 years of business, civil and commercial legal experience. He was born and raised in New York CIty where he attended Columbia and Fordham. He ventured westward to join The Upjohn Company years ago and served as Senior Counsel for their Agricultural Division. He has written numerous articles on mediation in addition doing presentations to groups, associations and businesses on the topic in an effort to educate people on the benefits of mediation over litigation. Mediate, don't litigate!
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Sometimes You Need to Give Them Reasons to Mediate
So you would like to mediate your divorce, but you think you’ll have a hard time convincing your spouse to go along. I’m assuming he or she is ready to end the marriage as well and having a conversation about how to do it won’t be a surprise.
Washington Shutdown and Divorce Mediation
Most of us who are trained mediators learned the process of “Principled Negotiation”. It’s the theory behind Roger Fisher and William Ury’s Great work -”Getting To Yes”. It teaches how to negotiate without compromising principles but by examining each parties’ positions and exploring the underlying needs and interests to create options that can help reach fair and equitable solutions and settlements.
The Dangers of Badmouthing Your Ex To The Kids
Getting a divorce is tough on any couple, but it’s even tougher on the kids. Think about them when you’re tempted to bad mouth your ex. The outcome may be very different from the one you planned.
Is your Mediator a “Bungling Idiot"?
Now there is an interesting title for a man who makes his living as a divorce mediator! One of my mediator colleagues told me the other day that a former client of hers had been heard at the Family Court telling the referee that she (the mediator) hadn’t calculated his portion of his wife’s retirement plan to get the maximum for him.
Whose House is MY House for Christmas: Mommy’s or Daddy’s?
Before we are in the midst of the Holiday season, separated and divorced couples should take a moment to walk through their expectations. When it comes to protecting children and safeguarding their holiday experience, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Think Before you Move-In
A recent study showed that couples who began their lives together by co-habiting before marriage had a higher rate of divorce than those who waited until the knot was tied. This article discusses the downside of co-habitation.
No Divorcing Please, We’re British
We have “no-fault divorce” here in the States, but in the U.K. a party suuing for divorce still has to prove cause. Officially the grounds are such serious matters as adultery and abandonment, but it seems the courts will take just about anything presented.
Is it Time to Go?
Check out the article about divorce counseling in the personal Journal section of the April 3, 2012 issue of the Wall Street journal: www.wsj.com.
Holiday Parenting Part II
Here in Part II, I want to remind you that it’s you and your spouse who divorced and not your kids.
Holiday Parenting Doesn’t Have To Be A “War of the Roses” Part I
It’s a shame so much stress and tension surrounds Thanksgiving and Christmas. Too many movies are made about the sometimes ugly get-togethers with relatives who don’t get along the rest of the year and don’t want to see each other now, but feel obliged to.
Sure You Want to do This? A 2nd Marriage-Hope v. Experience
Nineteen percent of all marriages in 2008 were a second go-round for at least one party. If there were problems that led to a divorce in the first marriage, how sure are you that you won’t repeat them again in the second?
The Business Owner's Dilemma: Arbitration Or Mediation
This article discusses the differences between mediation and arbitration. People often confuse mediation and arbitration and talk about one when they really mean the other.
Valentine's Day: Hearts & Flowers Or Darts & Revenge
Valentine's Day serves as a reminder of broken relationships. Divorced people are often angry and want revenge. Mediation gives the parties an opportunity to vent while allowing them to preserve the relationship. This is especially important if children are involved. This article includes comments from a divorce attorney and a therapist on how to handle divorce and Valentine's Day.