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<xTITLE>Bring Five Percent more Compassion to Conflicts</xTITLE>

Bring Five Percent more Compassion to Conflicts

by Lorraine Segal
September 2021

Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal

Lorraine Segal

Bringing five percent more compassion can really make a difference in conflicts.

What would happen if you could bring just a little bit more compassion and love to conflicts and disagreements? I think you’d be amazed at the positive effect.

I’ve often talked with clients and students about the value of opening our hearts to compassion, empathy, and curiosity in conflicts.

 5% More

Recently,  I heard a presentation with Tina Quinn, an author and coach. One technique she used with clients, is to ask them to bring 5% more compassion or love to a difficult situation. She wasn’t speaking specifically about conflict, but I was struck with how useful this technique could be.

What could 5% more compassion and love look like in a conflict or difficult conversation?

  • 5% more breathing and pausing before responding rather than reacting.
  • 5% more listening with curiosity and empathy.
  • 5% more openness to their perspective.
  • 5% more checking that you’ve understood.
  • 5% more willingness to look at your contribution to the problem.
  • 5% more compassion for yourself as well.
  • 5% more willingness to let go and move on.

The special beauty of 5% more is that you are not being asked to be perfect, or to change completely: this is about progress not perfection.

Lorraine’s (gentle) challenge

What would your 5% more look like to help difficult situations right now?

If you try this out, I’d really like to hear your commitment and how it worked for you.


Lorraine Segal, M.A. is a Conflict Management and Communication Consultant, Coach, and Trainer. Through her own business, Conflict Remedy, Ms. Segal works with corporations and non-profits as well as governmental entities and individuals to promote harmonious and productive workplaces. 

She is a consultant and trainer for County of Sonoma. And, at Sonoma State University, she is the curriculum designer and lead teacher for the new Conflict Management Certificate program. Ms. Segal was recently named one of the top 30 Conflict Resolution experts to follow on LinkedIn. She is also a contributing author to the forthcoming book, Stand Up, Speak Out Against Workplace Bullying.

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