Stay up to date on everything mediation!

Subscribe to our free newsletter,
"This Week in Mediation"

Sign Up Now

Already subscribed No subscription today
<xTITLE>How to Avoid a Rough Argument</xTITLE>

How to Avoid a Rough Argument

by John Peterson
July 2021 John Peterson

It’s perfectly normal for couples to fight and get into arguments. You can’t always agree with everything your significant other does and because you care about your relationship you want to address any issue that’s on your mind. When you’re arguing, the worst thing that you can do is expect one person to come out of the argument victorious.

You shouldn’t expect your significant other to change their mind and conform their opinion only because you have a different outlook on something. The best possible outcome would be for you to reach a compromise, but there are also other ways to conclude an argument in a mature way. Your goal should be to understand your partner’s point of view. If neither of you change your mind but understand where the other person is coming from and can walk away from the argument satisfied, you have ended the discussion in a healthy way.

On the other hand, the worst thing you can do is act emotionally and avoid using personal insults. You will both be much happier in your relationship if you learn how to resolve your fights peacefully. Part of achieving that is knowing how to avoid a rough argument.

Don’t Bottle Up Your Feelings

Being in a healthy relationship means that you can talk to your partner freely about whatever you want. In case there is a minor issue that you think you’ll forget about in a day or two and don’t want to get into an argument over it, you can choose not to speak about it. But remember that when you decide to keep quiet about something, you should not bring it up during any future arguments.

If something your partner does persistently bothers you, it’s best to address it the first chance you have. Don’t bottle up your emotions because you’ll be able to do that only for short amount of time. There will be a moment when you can’t hold it in any longer and you erupt in anger. In case you’re angry when you start the argument, it’s likely that your partner will react emotionally.

Instead of bottling up your anger and frustration, make it a habit to create a safe zone for you and your partner to discuss anything that you want.

Avoid Raising Your Voice

Talking in a normal tone can lead to a completely different outcome of an argument compared to yelling. If you want to resolve an argument with your partner in a peaceful and respectful way, you should avoid raising your voice while talking. Talking loudly is a result of getting emotional during an argument.

It’s a pretty normal reaction for your partner to raise their voice too if you start talking loudly. In case you’re having talking in a normal tone, you should try a mental exercise with your partner by whispering during arguments. That’s exactly what a student in the United States tried and even wrote a college paper about it. She was in a toxic relationship with her boyfriend for months before trying the whisper exercise. She credits this mental exercise as the main reason why both she and her boyfriend learned to value each other’s opinions.

Avoid Emotional Blackmail

Emotional blackmail is very common in toxic relationships. It is a signal of immaturity and an unwillingness to compromise with your partner. Emotional blackmail is a term used to describe threats that you make when you say you’ll leave your significant other during a fight if they don’t conform to your opinions.

There are some arguments and things you can be mad about that are a good enough reason to leave your partner. However, when you make up your mind that you’re going to tell your partner you’ll leave them, you should stick to that decision. Using this threat as a form of emotional blackmail in almost every heated argument can lead to a lot of anger and unhappiness.

In fact, emotional blackmail can have a negative impact on your partner’s mental health. It may cause your significant other to be anxious when they disagree with your or go into depression. Emotional blackmail can also cause your partner to take your words seriously and leave you for good even if you didn’t mean what you said.

Don’t Bring Up the Past

If you’re arguing with your partner over a specific issue, don’t bring up arguments that you already resolved. If you decided to forgive your significant other for something that happened in the past, you have no right to bring it up in other arguments. Learn to let go what already occurred and you’ll be much happier in your relationship.

Many people bring up the past as a self-defense mechanism when they know they don’t have any other options but want to “win” an argument. Instead of wasting your energy talking about what already happened and getting angry over it all over again, you should take the time to listen to what your partner is saying. That is how you build trust with your partner.

Remember that sometimes the only thing you have to do is show your significant other you’re listening to them to avoid a nasty argument. Hearing what your partner has to say and saying that you respect their opinion can lead you to form a healthier bond.

Conclusion

There is a big difference between healthy and unhealthy arguments in a relationship. A healthy argument is when you discuss something with your partner, you both express your feelings, and you respect each other’s opinions. An unhealthy argument is when you become filled with rage, trade personal insults, and act emotionally. In order to avoid rough arguments, you and your partner should both work on your communication skills. 

Biography


John Peterson is a journalist with 4 years of experience working for the London magazine “Shop&Buy”. He was a straight-A student and recently earned his master’s degree in psychology. When he is not writing interesting articles on the internet, he provides his talent to an essay writing service. John loves helping students with their assignments because he knows that good grades will give them a brighter future.



Email Author
Additional articles by John Peterson