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<xTITLE>Conflict Can Lead to a Heavy Heart</xTITLE>

Conflict Can Lead to a Heavy Heart

by Cinnie Noble
November 2018

Conflict Management Blog by Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble

Since the 1300s the adjective heavy – referring to the heart – has been used in the sense of “weighed down with grief or sadness”.

Having a ‘heavy heart’ is a vivid expression that most of us can relate to for different reasons. For instance, when our hearts are heavy, as a consequence of conflict, whether we experience sadness, loss, anger or other emotions, there is an immobilizing sense that we are unable to move on. We might feel we are at a standstill that precludes us from thinking clearly, making decisions, problem-solving and so on.

This week’s Conflict Mastery Quest(ions) blog invites you to consider a time you had a ‘heavy heart’ after a conflict.

  • What was the incident that led you to having a ‘heavy heart’?
  • What specifically resulted in that feeling?
  • If you were to put a weight on the heaviest you feel in pounds/kg, what would that be?
  • What is the heaviest part of that (your answer to the previous question)?
  • If you were to begin to shed some of the weight, which feelings, part of the incident, etc. would you be able to let go of?
  • What do you supposed you would hold onto longest in the heaviness you are experiencing?
  • Why is that (your answer to the previous question)?
  • What do you gain by holding onto the heaviness?
  • What amount of heaviness (in pounds/kg) would you feel if the heaviness was eased for you to be able to move on in peace? What would help – at this point in time – to ease the heavy feelings do you think (if you want to do so)?
  • If heaviness in your heart has lifted at all, what facilitated that?
  • What else occurs to you as you consider these questions?
  • What insights do you have?


Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You.

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