Stay up to date on everything mediation!

Subscribe to our free newsletter,
"This Week in Mediation"

Sign Up Now

Already subscribed No subscription today
<xTITLE>The Downside of DIY Divorce</xTITLE>

The Downside of DIY Divorce

by Denise French
May 2019 Denise French

With the increasing popularity of Pinterest, the concept of “do-it-yourself” or “DIY” projects have become enticing for many. I don’t consider myself to be the least bit crafty but have taken on daunting projects like painting kitchen cabinets (I swear, never again) all in the interest of saying, “Wow – look what I did! And I saved a lot of money!”

When DIY is the Only Option For Divorce

In some cases, however, DIY is necessary and the only option. Consider for example couples who are going through divorce and simply don’t have the financial means to get professional assistance. They are reliant upon DIY divorce documents and are faced with navigating complicated legal issues reduced to fill-in-the-blank forms. It’s a means to an end, albeit less than ideal.

Then there are others who pursue DIY divorce documents simply as a way of saving money – a noble thought, but possibly leaden with issues.

A True DIY Divorce Story

My client and his ex-wife, both very intelligent and educated individuals, made sure to get a mediator involved in their divorce to negotiate their financial settlement (which was a very lopsided settlement with my client taking the hit because a CDFA®  wasn’t consulted…but I digress), but left their parenting plan to themselves and a fill-in-the-blank parenting plan. They figured they could save some money and were still in the cooperative phase of their divorce, so it seemed to make sense. The financial piece was the hard part but doing what was in the best interest of their children seemed like it was easy!

What they ended up with was a parenting plan that was vague, incomplete, and in some cases downright stupid. Neither had any knowledge of the legal implications contained in that document. And while the parenting plan initially worked, once my client got engaged, their co-parenting relationship took a turn for the worse and endless arguments erupted regarding parenting their children.

A couple of the most horrific written-in provisions:

“The minor children will be in the care of Father as follows: on nights that Mother is on-call and six other days/nights of the month. The minor children will be in the care of Mother as follows: whenever the are not in the care of their Father.” This dandy arrangement resulted in my client knowing when he’d have parenting time only one month at a time. His ex-wife eventually demanded control over and weaponized the creation the calendar, often providing it to him the last day of the proceeding month despite her knowing her call schedule typically six months in advance. For years, my client couldn’t book travel or buy tickets to a concert or show in advance for fear that it would interfere with the calendar and he would lose parenting time.

“Both parents will make major educational and medical decisions together…If the parents do not reach an agreement then: Mother will make decision.” My client failed to understand that by his ex-wife putting a checkmark in the optional election for one parent to make final decisions that he had given her superior decision-making authority. She held this authority over his head any time they were contemplating a major decision with the children, stating that while she’d listen to his input, she’d ultimately make the decision. This left my client feeling helpless and basically stripped of his parental rights.

The Cost of Revising DIY Divorce Documents

My client and his ex-wife ultimately ended up hiring attorneys and going to court to hash out a more reasonable and enforceable parenting plan. Sadly, his ex-wife was unwilling to give up her superior decision-making authority, and it haunts my client to this day. In the end, they ended up paying thousands of dollars to fix their DIY parenting plan. So much for saving money, right?!

Let my client’s story be a lesson to you. If you’re considering divorce or are in the process of divorce, get the right professionals involved to help you navigate the process. At Smarter Divorce Solutions, we work with couples to create a plan that is fair and functional, and we can draft your divorce documents to make sure your plan is well documented.


Denise founded Divorce Strategies Group in 2014. Divorce Strategies Group was incepted because of her own ugly divorce in 2007. Denise desired to create a firm where others could have a better divorce experience, and to help other children not face the trauma her own child experienced. She helps other walk through the divorce process in a dignified, confident manner.

Denise is a Certified Valuation Analyst® (CVA®), a Master Analyst in Financial Forensics® (MAFF®), a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), a Family and Child Custody Mediator and trained as a Collaborative Law Financial Expert. Denise focuses on the areas of divorce finance, divorce tax, separate property tracing, executive compensation in divorce, pension plans, expert witness testimony as well as the emotional aspects of divorce.

Denise also founded French Financial Group in 2012. Prior to French Financial Group, Denise worked as a regional sales executive for large investment and insurance firms. She has over 22 years of experience in financial planning, investment positioning, and income strategies. She currently provides full-service financial planning, investment placement and insurance as an Investment Advisor Representative (IAR) under French Financial Group. Denise is also a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor (CRPC).

Email Author
Author Website

Additional articles by Denise French