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<xTITLE>Feeling Confused in Conflict?</xTITLE>

Feeling Confused in Conflict?

by Cinnie Noble
July 2012

Cinergy Coaching by Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble

In the midst of conflict, it is common to feel confused – wondering what is happening and why, experiencing mixed emotions, feeling out of control or immobilized, and so on. At these times, we often don’t have a sense of what to do or what to say. Since our confusion obviously interferes with our ability to think clearly, we may tend to act and react on emotions. The outcome we want, how to get there, and how to manage our emotions are muddled in our hearts and brains.
Since we are in fight, flight, or freeze mode once we have been provoked, whichever state we are in informs how we proceed. Though we may gain some distance to be able to think things out, it doesn’t usually feel as though we have a choice. These ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may help us through the confusion during these moments:

What words describe the feelings you are experiencing in your confusion?
What are you most confused about?
Why is that most confusing?
If you are in freeze mode, what are you stuck about?
If you are in flight mode, from what are you running?
If you are in fight mode, for what are you fighting?
What would relieve the confusion right now?
What outcome do you want of the situation and the relationship?
When you become less confused what do you think will be your first step towards this outcome?
How may you make that first step now?
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?


Cinnie Noble is a certified coach (PCC) and mediator and a former lawyer specializing in conflict management coaching. She is the author of two coaching books: Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY™ Model and Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You.

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