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<xTITLE>Recovering After Conflict - Book Excerpt</xTITLE>

Recovering After Conflict - Book Excerpt

by Katie Carey
January 2015

Step Two:
Sort through the Embers & Ashes

You have made the choice to build a new fire. Since you spent so much time with your old fire, it would be foolish to discard all the lessons, skills, and gifts you acquired during its burning, so take some time to sift through the ashes of your burnt out fire and retrieve those lessons and experiences that you want to keep. This is an exercise of discernment, of sorting the “good” from the “not-so-good”, the True from the illusion, and the fresh from the worn out. It is an opportunity to burn clean the dissatisfied parts of yourself so that all that remains is the true essence— and that true essence can be used to create a new flame.

Name the qualities you wish to keep and be specific. Some examples of keeper qualities are: the ability be thoughtful & discerning,
the ability to be creative & patient,
the ability to be mindful & aware.

Listen to your intuition, your “inner authority.” Set aside your ego and pay attention to your deepest desires. Respond to the movements of your heart. Discernment requires us to not only choose the good things, but to let go of all the other good choices—though you may want “it all,” what is most important to you? What have you learned?

Important lessons I have learned:

Valuable skills I have acquired:

Cherished gifts I have been given:

Essential qualities I appreciate:

These are your embers.

It is also a good exercise to name the qualities that are in your “not-so-good” pile so that you are intentional about not adding them to your new fire Which ashes hinder you?

More information about the book here.


Katie Carey has more than 18 years of experience in spirituality, healing arts, theatre arts, and music, including facilitating powerful rituals and healing sessions, delivering charismatic and inspirational presentations, award-winning performances as an actress, singer, and flautist, and serving as Artistic Director of a Chicago women's theatre company.

Katie is known for her sense of humor, bravery and courage, creativity, and striking red hair. She is open-hearted, open-minded, non-judgmental, spirited, passionate, and kind. A spiritual midwife and healer, Katie is someone who can help you better allow healing in your life. She received her MA in Spirituality with a Certificate in Spiritual Direction from Loyola University Chicago and completed her Honors BA in Theatre Arts and Music Performance at Gonzaga University. She is also a Reiki Master/Teacher and a Certified Labor and Birth Doula.

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