5 Steps for Strengthening Your Marriage

You can make your marriage strong but you’ve got to acknowledge that disagreements are inevitable. They will occur when your interests, perspectives or opinion differ. Remember, you are unique individuals you are different and will see things differently.

Conflict can be negative or positive but this depends on how you manage it. Destructive conflict depicted by negative or unhealthy reactions, shouting, accusing, not listening leads to more conflict and should be avoided. Develop skills that will enable you bypass personal differences, find solutions, restore and sustain harmony. This will prevent minor issues escalating and threatening the union.

Good Communication

Take time to listen to each other

Dialogue about your differences do not be thinking of retaliating.

Don’t assume or jump into conclusions. Don’t read meanings into your spouse’s actions without hearing him or her out.

Ask questions to clarify issues and understand what he/she is saying or thinking. These are questions that will not lead to defensive response or argument.

Make Time for Each Other

Make time to give each other attention. Check up on how conversant you are with each other’s needs and how well you are doing meeting them. Bring up and discuss troubling issues. Cooperate to resolve them.


Take grip of personal problems or issues from your background that might be affecting your marriage. Don’t view problems as ‘his’ or ‘her’ problem but as ‘our’ problem and unite to deal with them.

Mobilize against negative tendencies, anger, annoying habits and behaviors. Flee temptations, break negative desires, impulses and passions and create positive and productive ones.

Acknowledge your spouse’s qualities and attributes this will play down his or her weaknesses and shortcomings. Treat each other nicely. Be caring. Laugh and play together.

Be a Team

This is easy when you obey the biblical principles of submission and unconditional love. The woman in submission trades self-will and her weaknesses for godly strength and intuition. The man receives grace for humility and ability to put her interests first. This helps her reciprocate and defer to his spiritual leadership.

Remember before you got married you responded to his love and leadership expressed through his thoughtful initiatives, plans, gifts, taking you out even to places you were not too keen about. You shared his interests looked your best to please him and put up your best behavior. There was love, respect and togetherness. You can bring this back! When you cooperate with God it becomes easy to work as a team.

Relationship with the Initiator

Take every problem to God in prayer. Build a close relationship with the Initiator and Authority on the institution of marriage. Follow His design to build your marriage through obedience to His Word. This will transform you and transform your marriage.


Mary Aderibigbe

Mary Aderibigbe is a lawyer and mediator handling family law issues. She applies dispute resolution processes and systems in her interventions to families, couples and individuals. She offers specialized services to enhance the skills in effective conflict management through the initiative, Family Support - GTN. MORE >

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