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Spirituality and Mediation Articles
05/12/08
- Microsoft and Yahoo: Where Were the Mediators?
- The ABCs of Conflict Resolution
- Dinner with a theorist?
- Searching for the Bright Mediation Bulb: Criticisms from Across the Pond
- Delegates at AAA Annual Meeting use electronic voting to express their views on mediator competency certification
- Q & A With Internationally Acclaimed Mediator Kenneth Cloke
- Have you thanked your mentor lately?
- Brain Studies Prove That A Fair Deal is A Happy Deal
- Negotiating Irrationality
- Coach and coax your brain to create new habits: Lay down some new tracks
- What UK Mediators Charge
- Negotiating Competitive Arousal: When the Cost of "Winning" is Too High
- Discover myths and truths about negotiation at Social Innovation Conversations
- Settlement Is Always Better
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Worth
Considering
There is a destiny that makes us brothers, none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.
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What's New
Christian With Muslim Religous Dialogue (4/14/08)
Leo Hura Discussion about the need for Religious dialogue between the different faiths has become ubiquitous. There are many examples, one being, “Diplomacy in an Age of Faith”, by Thomas F. Far who argues “the United States has failed to understand the global resurgence of religiosity.” Can mediators fail to be involved?
The Bystander (2/18/08)
Eva Zimet The folks at the Orange County Domestic and Sexual Violence Task Force in Vermont dedicate their efforts to prevention, intervention and healing of abuse – specifically, domestic violence and substance abuse, but any kind will do. Safeline, Inc. and SafeArt are two more organizations in Vermont that serve the same community, for the same purpose. In short, their mission might be described like this: secrets can be fatal, let’s see if we can get there first. The Task Force mission statement includes the “opportunity to be a Pro-active Bystander, to stay safe, yet to speak out against abuse.”
The Significance of Emotional Engagement in Conflict Management (1/21/08)
Dale Eilerman The ability to emotionally engage with an individual or group is a significant factor in establishing a constructive and helpful relationship. It is often the difference in whether an experience is perceived as positive or negative, regardless of the outcome. Engagement should be a fundamental course of action taken by professionals when addressing conflict management in the process of mediation, coaching, or counseling.
Encouraging Forgiveness (12/17/07)
Lester L. Adams During your lifetime, you have seen and experienced the great pain and suffering that people are going through because of man’s inhumanity to man. This is an issue we cannot run from, and we must face it every day in every part of the world. We cannot change the hearts of men. Only God can do this. But we can offer people an opportunity to live positive lives in spite of the terrible things that others have done to them. You can do this by forgiving others, and by encouraging the people involved in your mediation sessions to forgive each other.
The Economist Chimes in to Support the Critical Role of Religion in Conflict Resolution - Can the Mediation Community Fail to be Involved? (11/13/07)
Leo Hura As we strive to gather support for a mediation community based initiative to support religious leaders to develop “next steps” to a letter form Muslim to Christian religious leaders and seek information the initiative is gaining traction, we are encouraged “The Economist,” in their November 1st 2007 edition, ran an 18 page special report which acknowledges a role for religion in conflict resolution. The series of articles and reference to a book the authors call “prescient,” support our contention mediators have an opportunity to play a critical role in “process” and “expertise” development in negotiations, utilizing “religion based interests,” which are different from “tangible and therefore divisible and negotiable interests” associated with politics, as being critical to conflict resolution in this century.
God’s Role In Mediation And Conflict Resolution (10/22/07)
Lester L. Adams As a mediator, I am sure that you have had this situation come up. The mediation has been going on for about five hours, and the parties are at an impasse. Then, suddenly, there is a shift. A breakthrough comes where you become able to quickly help the parties settle their differences. This article is a discussion of the unseen hand of God Almighty helping you resolve conflict.
The Gift of Innocence - Part 1 of Revisiting Guilt and Innocence (10/01/07)
Barbara Ashley Phillips In this issue we're going to explore the dynamics of guilt and innocence and learn how each can be constructive, as well as destructive. These two are major features of conflict situations. To really get the flavor of this, we begin with ourselves, for this is powerful material and benefits greatly from aging within us. By reckoning with the conflicting currents within ourselves, we grow our understanding and at the same time build our effectiveness with others. Once again, we get to re-examine long-held beliefs and assumptions and decide what is worth keeping and what is worth releasing.
(9/04/07)
Diane J. Levin
 Every once in awhile, if we are fortunate, we meet an individual that intuition tells us is destined for great things. My friend Ashok Panikkar is one of those individuals. Ashok, who left Boston and returned to his native Bangalore two years ago, founded Meta-Culture, Bangalore's first center for dialogue and conflict transformation. When I interviewed Ashok in July 2005, he described his goals for Meta-Culture: Meta-Culture is in the process of creating India’s first integrated conflict management group. The vision is to help people develop skills of discourse that are non-adversarial and built around the principles of dialogue rather than debate (even though there are situations where, for instance, Socratic debate can play a very useful part in helping to clarify ideas and challenge the mind). In doing so we can change the climate and culture of discourse so that individuals, organizations and societies can respond to differences with understanding and skill instead of doing so from anger, ignorance, fear, animosity or misplaced righteousness.
Our mission is to engage in or promote activities that can help advance this vision. To this end we are engaged in consulting, research and education in the areas of ADR, especially mediation; facilitation; coaching; design of conflict and dispute management systems; and consensus building. Right now our focus is to establish Meta-Culture as a sustainable consulting practice. Very soon we will be setting up a separate division that will service the NGO and governmental sectors. Unsurprisingly, Meta-Culture today is thriving, keeping Ashok and his staff busy. One of its projects, Meta-Culture Dialogics, a non-profit trust, recently attracted the attention of India media. The purpose of this project has been to promote dialogue among Hindu, Muslim, Christian and Buddhist groups to discuss matters of importance over the course of 10 sessions. These sessions were not designed to get people "holding hands and singing Kumbaya" in the hopes of simply sweeping differences under the rug, as Ashok told me in a recent phone call. According to Ashok, who was interviewed by The Hindu, "We are not into preaching peace, tolerance and harmony. Instead, we provide a platform for communities to talk about what is bothering them the most about the other community" and to ask each other the hard questions to give issues the healthy airing that honest dialogue can produce. You can read more about this " Inter-faith dialogue for conflict resolution" as reported in an online edition of The Hindu.
(9/04/07)
Geoff Sharp My last post on spirituality in mediation attracted 3 great comments from leaders of our mediation community's online discussion deserving their own post.
First read my last post and Colin Rule's post to which I link, then these comments will make more sense. Its the kind of conversation YOU need to participate in;
Michael said...
There are two concepts people confuse, including most game theorists:
1. Coordination, a conflict which require only that some people coordinate their activities, but not that they care about promoting each other's utility.
2. Cooperation, a conflict which requires more than coordination. We have to actively care about each other's utility and promote it.
There are a lot more of the first type of conflicts than the second. Arguably no fuzzy warm feelings are needed to solve the first class of problems.
Dina Lynch, ADRPracticeBuilder.com said...
Geoff, it's not just you. I feel it, too.
When I talk about bringing business systems and standards to mediation to drive profit, the reactions I receive range from polite disdain to outright hostility. And, this from folks who swear they are committed to open communication and hearing all perspectives. Is being practical wrong?
We cannot expect mediation to evolve into a viable, sustainable profession for the many unless a few of us begin to cooperate and coordinate our work and practices--riffing on the ideas Colin and Michael started. It seems to me that we squander our time and energy, which can be better spent, when we fight amongst ourselves over how we approach our talents.
Needs more thought...thanks for calling me and others to awareness about it.
Diane Levin said...
Geoff, you've put your finger on one of those denominational differences (if I may use a word in keeping with a discussion on spirituality's role in mediation practice) that divides the mediation community.
As an atheist, I personally have little use for or interest in getting in touch with the so-called spiritual aspect of conflict. In the article you cite, Eileen Barker tries to make the case that spirituality is critical to our effectiveness as practitioners.
She begins by raising an important question:"In commercial mediations, for example, parties frequently achieve settlement of the lawsuit, but leave the mediation with lasting enmity toward the opposing party and often, considerable hostility toward the legal system as well.
Is this the best we can do? Sometimes it is.
However, we owe it to our profession, our clients and ourselves, to be willing at least to grapple with the harder issues and, when possible, provide options for better outcomes." She's absolutely right. We can undoubtedly do better. When key interests are left unresolved and value remains behind on the mediation table, or parties have been bullied by mediators into accepting a resolution that meets no one's best interests--we can most certainly do much, much better.
So far so good. Barker has more to say:"As conflict resolution professionals, we are uniquely required to engage with parties and attorneys on multiple levels, including the intellectual, psychological, and emotional. We often encounter intense states of defensiveness, posturing, denial, confusion, anger, fear, frustration, disappointment and on and on. Our effectiveness depends, in large measure, on our ability to understand and navigate the human psyche, in all of its realms. Along the way, we learn to bring our hearts into our work, not just our heads." Again, she's right here, although I'm not sure I'd say that it's my heart that I'm using. I'd use a different anatomical metaphor--I'd be inclined to say it's my gut instincts as a professional--which I view as very much a part of the workings of my mind--the locus of which is indeed my head.
Personally speaking, I need and my clients want real-world tools for practice that will enable disputants to address core interests and create realistic, workable solutions. The sciences--sociology, psychology, and other fields--hold answers for understanding and explaining human behavior in conflict and negotiation. There's plenty in the earthly toolbox that mediators like me can utilize.
But then Barker says this:"Beyond this, lies the next frontier, the spiritual aspect of conflict and conflict resolution. When we speak of the potential for true resolution of conflict and making peace, we are called upon to move to a level of awareness that transcends the intellect, the psyche, and even the emotions." Now she's lost me--and I my patience. It's at this point that I say, "Says who?" Why does it logically follow that spirituality constitutes the "next frontier"? One could just as easily--and more credibly--make the case that the next frontier in conflict resolution should be cognitive psychology.
This reminds me of the argument that I've heard conservatives make that belief in God is essential to being a moral person. Does the fact that a spiritual element is missing from my own practice make me less effective as a mediator?
Thanks for thinking out loud about this, Geoff. Like Colin I too want to remain open to these conversations, but they leave me feeling isolated within my own community.
Great post.
What The Bleep Does Spirituality Have To Do With Conflict Resolution? (8/13/07)
Eileen Barker For those of us who practice in the hardnosed world of lawyers, court systems, corporations, government entities, and the like, spirituality might seem like an odd topic. What does spirituality have to do with mediation or conflict resolution? What's more, spirituality can be a difficult topic to discuss. For starters, some of us are not even comfortable with the word “spirituality.” What exactly does it mean, anyway? It's difficult to define. It's intangible. It's personal. It means different things to different people.
What Would Gandhi Do? (6/10/07)
Eileen Barker While the rewards are great, working as a mediator can be very challenging. We are called upon to help people navigate some of life’s most difficult problems. I sometimes think: If I could seek guidance from any wise person, past or present, who would it be? My thoughts sometimes turn to great political leaders such as Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, Jr., or noble spiritual beings such as Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama. However, I invariably select Mohandas Gandhi, a man who was a master of both the political and spiritual realms, and who inspired each of these other individuals.
The Spiritual Aspects Of Collaborative Law (5/01/07)
Dale L. Raugust The good news is that within the last few years there has been an explosion of new approaches to the resolution of conflict within the family. The adversary system is now regarded by most far sighted individuals as an outdated and ineffective method for resolving conflicts within the family. Most of the time the adversary system makes the problem worse, as the members of the family are forced to talk trash about the other member to “win” their case and obtain custody of the children or a better financial settlement. One new method of dispute resolution is collaborative law.
ADR and the Talmud (4/30/07)
Jay H Isenberg The article is a description and celebration of the parallels between the ADR process and that of Talmudic study. Both are characterized by intense investigation and interpretation of the material while immersed in the duties of study and/or facilitation and evaluation. The author goes on to challenge the "grip of the Orthodoxy" as the gatekeepers to entry into these processes and advocates for a more inclusive and expansive approach to conflict prevention and resolution in the construction industry.
Overcoming Resentment (4/08/07)
Trime Persinger I have a tendency to hold onto a grudge. When someone has “wronged” me, I feel irritated and hurt. This reaction occurs even when I know that the slight was unintentional, and is especially strong if the other person is someone with whom I am closely connected.
Where Settlements Cannot Go – Towards a Praxis of Reconciliation in Group Conflicts (Part 6 of 6) (2/19/07)
Darrell Puls We have now reached the final installment of our investigation into the underlying dynamics that promote forgiveness and reconciliation following large group conflict. Each step first focused inward and away from the conflict to find the seeds that must be planted and grown to move on. It stands conventional conflict resolution practice on its head by not only standing in between the warring parties, but turning them away from the conflict before again turning towards each other in a process that starts out tightly controlled but becomes more fluid and unpredictable as it goes. The process and facilitators are not neutral, and this is not mediation in the conventional sense; it is a voluntary process to help those wounded by conflict restore their relationships torn apart in the heat and confusion of battle. It is intended and designed to move groups of people who desire it to forgive for their own benefit, and reconcile should they choose to do so.
Negotiating with Oneself: Ego, Id and Superego (11/27/06)
Charles B. Parselle We observe during mediation that each party is indeed negotiating with herself or himself, inching towards reality. The dynamics require sustained handling, for although the mediator is the ‘ego’ of the parties’ dispute, mediating what to her is an objective drama, she also has a superego of her own proffering advice and dispensing blame, shame and regret, and her own id waiting in the shadows with a wrecking ball. It may not be rocket science, but it does take quite a bit of doing
Where Settlements Cannot Go – Towards a Praxis of Reconciliation in Group Conflicts (Part 2 of 6) (11/20/06)
Darrell Puls To reiterate, my primary interest is in finding true resolution to organizational and community conflict and the reconciliation of conflict-damaged relationships. The empirical data led me to conclude that large-scale reconciliation (the healing of pre-existing relationships damaged by conflict) cannot occur without forgiveness. Though forgiveness happens on an individual level, my quest was to find a process to encourage forgiveness and reconciliation on a large scale. While my work focuses primarily on churches and other religious organizations, the empirical data strongly suggest that my findings are also applicable to secular institutions. This series is a result.
Viktor Frankl’s Forgiveness (11/06/06)
Uri Paz Frankl realized that finding meaning in life strengthens man’s spirit allowing him to cope with suffering. Ironically, Frankl, who needed to apply his own theory in Auschwitz, was kind to former persecutors
Where Settlements Cannot Go – Towards a Praxis of Reconciliation in Group Conflicts (Part 1 of 6) (10/22/06)
Darrell Puls It is always difficult to admit that what one is doing is often insufficient, but this is that admission. After 30 years in the field of conflict management, including 16 years as a mediator, I have come to believe that conflict in ongoing relationships cannot be managed—it must be completely resolved or it will live on and reconstitute itself with greater destructive energy than before. Like most mediators, I have seen many conflicts where relationships fairly begged to be healed but have not known how to help the parties get there. Nowhere is this more true than in those conflicts where there is an ongoing relationship. Where I once considered getting a settlement to be the measure of success, I have now reversed myself and believe that stopping with settlement is sometimes the measure of failure. Let me explain.
The Use and Misuse of an Avoiding Style in Conflict Management (9/18/06)
Dale Eilerman The conflict style profiles developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann portray "avoiding" as being low in assertiveness and low in cooperativeness. When using this conflict mode a person knows there is a conflict but decides not to deal with it by ignoring, sidestepping, being non-committal or withdrawing from the issue or interaction.
Positively Different (8/13/06)
Roberta Morris Compatibility doesn’t mean sameness. This article explores how pairing co-mediators with very different personalities and skills can create a team that models the appreciation and usefulness of differences. Clients then learn to appreciate their differences as various gifts they bring to a joint enterprise. When working with a mediator who complements your strengths, and compensates for your weaknesses this dynamic sum is certainly greater than the parts.
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