Gary Direnfeld
Articles and Video:It can be difficult to know if your relationship would benefit from going to see a mediator. This author offers five suggestions for examining your relationship to see if it's time to schedule an appointment with a mediator. 1 Comment Collaborative Divorce This article explains some of the specifics of the collaborative process for divorcing couples. It discusses who will be involved and who is subject to the collaborative policies. Forget Harmony, Settle for Peace An oft-common mistake working with high conflict separated parents is to move them towards getting along and working cooperatively for the well-being of their children. It is a lofty and noble goal unfortunately far beyond the grasp of folks who would likely prefer to see the other disappear for a more immediate and permanent solution to the conflict. The more they are pushed together, the more intense the conflict. Someone Really Really Difficult to Get Along With? Most people get along with others. There might be the odd bit of friction between a person or two, but for the most part, most people get along. There is a sub-group of people however, that don’t seem to get along with almost anyone. These persons tend to project blame onto others for their conflict and may also cause others to feel guilty for not meeting expectations in the relationship. 2 Comments Imagine... A Collaborative Approach To Divorce There is a movement in family law whereby divorcing couples can sign agreements with lawyers to not go to court. More specifically, the process is known as Collaborative Family Law (CFL) and the agreement to not go to court is binding upon the lawyers, not the couple. If one or both clients are unsatisfied, either may still march the dispute to court. They will however have to find new lawyers. Build Rapport to Facilitate Teen Behaviour When the relationship is spiraling out of control and parents find themselves at their wits end, the challenge is to rise above the animosity in favour of rebuilding the relationship. Harsher, more restrictive consequences will not bring the teen “under control”. Slowly and deliberately practicing rebuilding strategies can rekindle the relationship through which the parents may find increased influence to provide direction and guidance as opposed to “control”. 1 Comment Who Started It Doesn’t Necessarily Matter! Sitting between parents in a high conflict situation with regard to custody and access issues is like watching the scarecrow in the Wizard of OZ. However, with separated parents they are both pointing at each other, each blaming the other for initiating and maintaining their conflict. In many instances, both have contributed to their mutual conflict and hence both feel justified at incriminating the other. Regardless of who started it, in many instances it is clear, they both maintain it. As a concept this is known as circular causality. Are you thinking of MEDIATION to settle a parenting dispute? Whereas in court the parents are bound by the decision of the judge, in mediation the role of the mediator is to help parents communicate and determine their own solution to the parenting of the children – a mutual agreement.  |
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