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My First Appointment > Divorce Work Books
There is a difference between a good divorce and a bad divorce. Commit yourself to the former. You may need a little help in this regard, as it is not always our natural inclination when stressed, angry or hurt to think in the best or the most adult fashion. Consider reading the "Good Divorce," by Connie Ahrons, Phd. To buy this book or at least learn more about it, you may visit: http://www.divorcesource.com/webcart/gooddivorce.html.
At the bottom of this page, I list some other books you may wish to read. If you don't have time for "homework," then at least try to sit down with your spouse, have a cup of coffee and talk about the issues that are better addressed up front and not left to smolder, some of which might include:
Whose idea was this anyway? Family and friends are going to ask, so it's a good idea to have a party line that is neutral. One acceptable answer might be, This is something that we both decided was in our family's best interest. Sad as we may be about the end of our marriage, we remain committed to each other and our family.
Is someone to blame here? When ever we perceive a failure, the human mind is quick to try to locate the guilty party, even when there is none. Try to resist blaming and demonizing. Think about all of the good things that came from your marriage, e.g. children, friendships, trips, etc. All things end, sometimes sooner than we expect.
Can a relationship not last forever and still be a good one? Could it be that the two of us grew or evolved in healthy but different directions?
Do children need a better parent, or just two good parents?
How do our children's need differ from our own?
How will we protect our children from our conflict?
How are we going to recognize when we are projecting our own feelings and needs on to the children?
Everything we have must be divided, can we be fair with each other. How will we do that?
Where do we want to be when our child graduates from high school or is getting married?
Obviously, there are a lot of issues to be dealt with, but perhaps this can get you going in the right direction.
If you have children, then some homework is unavoidable. Consider starting with the Mom's House, Dads' House, which you can learn more about at: http://www.momshousedadshouse.com/ .
Also named as one of 10 best parenting books by Child Magazine is Helping Children Cope with Divorce, by Edward Teyber. To learn more about this book go to http://www.webheights.net/dividedheart/teyber/hcc.htm
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