Frequently Asked Questions About Mediation

Q. What Is Mediation ?

A confidential process in which a neutral professional mediator helps the parties in the dispute reach a mutually acceptable resolution of their issues. The mediator does not take sides or make decisions, but assists people in sharing information, identifying goals and discussing options. Mediation is sometimes described as facilitated or assisted negotiation.

Q. What Are The Advantages to Mediation?

          7.   Less Wear & Tear: Usually, less stress for all family members.

  Q. What Does The Mediator Do For The Parties?

A trained mediator can assist the parties to

• separate their relationship issues from the "business" issues.



• list the specific items to be resolved.



• find common interests hiding under dueling positions.



• brainstorm options for reaching agreement.



• choose results that make the most sense for the long term.



• write up their agreement in plain-English.

   Q. Can A Mediator Force A Settlement ?    

No. Unlike a judge or an arbitrator, a mediator does not decide what is right or wrong, and cannot force anyone to do anything. The parties "own" their dispute and retain complete control over all decision-making. One of mediation's great strengths is that it is 100% voluntary. Participants stay with the process only if it offers them more benefits than other available alternatives.

Q. Do Lawyers Get Involved In Mediation?

Some parties choose to bring their lawyers to mediation sessions, but most do not. However, it is always a good idea to retain an attorney to obtain independent legal advice. Your own lawyer can help you decide what sort of settlement you want to seek in mediation. A lawyer-mediator can only provide general legal information to both parties, not separate legal advice or strategy to either party.

Q. Does Divorce Mediation Give The Same Results As Litigation?

Better, especially where kids are involved.  Families can reduce conflict and focus on their future interaction as co-parents. Children are not hurt by a divorce nearly as much as they are by having their parents in ongoing warfare. A “peaceful” dissolution allows parents to work together to re-structure the family for the maximum benefit of all involved over the long haul. 

Q. How much does mediation cost?

Far less than having the same issue resolved by lawyers in court. The exact costs vary based on how long the parties take to reach agreement. I charge $185 per hour.  Most couples complete mediation with me for $1000 - $2000. 

Q. At What Stage Does Mediation Take Place?

The earlier, the better. But, mediation can take place whenever the parties are ready to talk directly, even after litigation is underway. 

Q. Is Mediation The Same As Counseling?

No. Mediation is not counseling, therapy, or legal advice. The mediator does not advocate for one party or for any particular solution. Mediation focuses primarily on developing solutions for the future, not in affixing blame for the past. Mediation does not replace the need for, or the benefits of, legal advice or counseling.

Q. What If I Don’t Trust My Spouse?

When breaking up, it is very normal for partners to mis-trust each other and to find it hard to imagine that they can agree on anything important. A trained mediator helps parties to dig below their entrenched positions, to what really matters to them. Then, an agreement can be crafted that gives each person hope that things can be different -- and better -- between them in the future. Over 90% of all court cases eventually settle, usually after a lot of unnecessary expense and fighting. Mediation is there to help parties reach a mutually fair agreement sooner, and with less pain.

Q. What If I Am I Intimidated or Overwhelmed By My Spouse?

In families where there has been a history of domestic violence or other control by one partner, mediation may not be appropriate (check my tab for collaborative law if this is a concern). I am available to discuss any such concerns privately so you can decide if you are able to advocate vigorously for yourself in mediation. During mediation, the mediator's job is to keep the playing field level, to ensure the process remains fair throughout and allow both parties to really speak their piece and work to get their real needs met in a mutually fair deal.  

Q. What If We Are Already Divorced and Still Disagreeing?

Ongoing disagreement often means that the couple either has unfinished business or some new situation that is causing their current conflict. Mediation can help the parties address their unmet underlying interests. A settlement that meets the true needs of the family members really can bring lasting peace after a long period of painful warfare.