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| Sue ,
Granada Hills Ca |
06/06/12 |
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I found your article most interesting. I am a new mediator who wants to go into family and elder mediation. Do you have any advice for someone who is new to this. Any classes you can suggest? I am in. California.
Thank you. |
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| Pamela ,
Kathmandu |
05/09/12 |
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I agree with all but the "don't encourage venting" and "no joint sessions." I have 18 years experience as a mediator, and 10 years as a family lawyer. While I may not solicit venting, I do not ignore or suppress it when it happens, because I think it is important for both counsel and parties to be aware that strong emotions exist in the case, and that they could be a barrier to settlement. I have found that if the parties, and counsel occasionally, can openly say that these emotions exist, I can ask if they are ready to set those aside for the session. Their affirmations can unlock the gate to productive settlement. The strong feelings can also act as a springboard to asking parties what is most important to them to resolve, so we can get to that first. Regarding joint session, despite requests from counsel not to meet jointly, I have insisted on at least having a joint session with opening statements, and that first success has created a foundation for parties (and counsel) to work together on a settlement agreement, to everyone's surprise. If the parties and counsel are unable to meet jointly, an agreement, even if achieved, may not be abided by, and there is a real possibility of a hearing, and/or future court actions for contempt. |
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| Linda Gryczan,
Helena MT |
05/08/12 |
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I ask attorneys who want to immediately move into separate rooms. "Are you saying that the children would not benefit from this one chance for their parents to talk about their future together?"
I meet in separate rooms in the case of domestic violence and if the survivor reports (or I observe) that she could not negotiate effectively in the presence of her assailant.
I have also separated the parties in cases of apparent mental illness where one of the parties could not effectively communicate in the same room.
It takes skill to help warring parties to negotiate directly with one another. As long as they are going to have a lifetime relationship, it makes sense for them to at least try communicate directly with the help of a skilled mediator. |
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| Bill ,
Moline IL |
05/08/12 |
| Joint Sessions |
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Great compilation of suggestions. My only push-back is the joint session position taken by the author. The things he wants to avoid in joint sessions goes to the very heart of a mediator's skill. If the parties are carrying on and rehashing the same "You done me wrong" stuff then they aren't really practicing what they were taught.
The essence of a good mediation is to be heard and understood. That is best achieved in a joint session. There certainly comes a time when separation can be essential but not the default. |
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| Robyn McDonald,
Denver CO |
mmg@mmgadr.com
05/08/12 |
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Scott, excellent comments. I think the more mediators and attorneys work together in mediations, the better the result, especially when each respects the obligations of the other. I have found attorneys to be of incredible help - particularly in educating their clients when I cannot, due to ethical reasons. I also have the ability to explore the "bad news" with counsel's client (unrealistic expectations for settlement or case value), allowing the attorney to continue to support his/her client, while moving forward to more realistic options. It can be a very positive dynamic, if attorney and mediator can trust each other enough to get out of eachother's way and allow the process to happen. |
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| Ann ,
Claremont CA |
05/08/12 |
| Desired outcome |
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Perhaps in your mediations it would help to invite a Mental Health person, otherwise known as a Coach, into the situation. Coaches can in a fairly short amount of time diffuse many of the emotional issues and give the couple ways to communicate so that joint sessions go well. |
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