Comments: "I'm Sorry": The Power of Apology in Mediation

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EUGENE AYONGABA, Yaoundé  abeitugo@yahoo.com     07/23/11
very necessarry to say i am sorry
Tendering an apology is the best remedy to conflict settling that challenges other strategies aiming at mediating conflict situations. Thus he who apologises in any dust raising situation reduces the cost of the problem. Thank you very much for bringing up a challenging topic as such for free thinkers to give their points of view.

Street   fairyland032002@yahoo.com     09/20/03
An apology
Some times an apology is worth more than money. When someone says they are sorry, that person or organization is aware there is a communication problem or a behaviorial problem from both parties involved. When an employer says they are an Equal Opportunity Employer they certainly need to stand up to that honor. And it sure is an honor to be Equal Opportunity. When an employee is told, "I think you have a problem do something about it." And the employee does something about that problem and this particular employee signed herself into a hospital that she trusted with all her heart. Upon signing herself in, she brought with her all her pain and anger that she knew was killing her and killing her chances for a career that she worked hard for. Having several out bursts of emotion and temper tantrums she made peace with her anger and she realized that for many years she was blamming a certain place for something they had no control over. She returned to work with good wishes from her doctor. When she returned to work she had a very good attitude but was greated with angry co-workers and a very angry boss. He and many of the co-workers put unnecessary pressure on her hoping she would walk out the door. She did not. She wanted her boss and the people of human resource to speak with her. To find that common ground, one that is so important which in most cases would stop any lawsuit. She was never approaced by anyone from H.R. or her boss. This particular employee was being ostericised (sp)and that in it's self is incredible pressure to endure. Then there was one day that this employee watched her boss loose his temper. She thought well he is human. However, in the art of role making and showing the power of example was he wrong. In this case, yes he was wrong. The employee that he was yelling at was in no way deserving of that behavior. On the other hand, he might have had a lot of pressure put upon him that day. So, that boss should apologize to that employee. The employee that returned from the hospital and was ignored lost her temper on day. It was as if she was alone and wanting and needing human resource to recognize her for doing what her boss told her to do. Go and get some help. She did and she faced a firing squard. She did what came natural to most people. She got mad, mad as hell. And because she got help and then got mad at human resource for being a big bulley she was fired for no good cause. She is still persuing her career inspite of the fallout from her former boss. And, if he could only know she would not sue him and she never had any plan to do so. She just wanted to work things out in a very adult manner, which for her never materialized because human resources failed to meet their obligation as an Equal Opportunity Employer. Isn't that sad.

Street   fairyland032002@yahoo.com     09/20/03
An apology
Some times an apology is worth more than money. When someone says they are sorry, that person or organization is aware there is a communication problem or a behaviorial problem from both parties involved. When an employer says they are an Equal Opportunity Employer they certainly need to stand up to that honor. And it sure is an honor to be Equal Opportunity. When an employee is told, "I think you have a problem do something about it." And the employee does something about that problem and this particular employee signed herself into a hospital that she trusted with all her heart. Upon signing herself in, she brought with her all her pain and anger that she knew was killing her and killing her chances for a career that she worked hard for. Having several out bursts of emotion and temper tantrums she made peace with her anger and she realized that for many years she was blamming a certain place for something they had no control over. She returned to work with good wishes from her doctor. When she returned to work she had a very good attitude but was greated with angry co-workers and a very angry boss. He and many of the co-workers put unnecessary pressure on her hoping she would walk out the door. She did not. She wanted her boss and the people of human resource to speak with her. To find that common ground, one that is so important which in most cases would stop any lawsuit. She was never approaced by anyone from H.R. or her boss. This particular employee was being ostericised (sp)and that in it's self is incredible pressure to endure. Then there was one day that this employee watched her boss loose his temper. She thought well he is human. However, in the art of role making and showing the power of example was he wrong. In this case, yes he was wrong. The employee that he was yelling at was in no way deserving of that behavior. On the other hand, he might have had a lot of pressure put upon him that day. So, that boss should apologize to that employee. The employee that returned from the hospital and was ignored lost her temper on day. It was as if she was alone and wanting and needing human resource to recognize her for doing what her boss told her to do. Go and get some help. She did and she faced a firing squard. She did what came natural to most people. She got mad, mad as hell. And because she got help and then got mad at human resource for being a big bulley she was fired for no good cause. She is still persuing her career inspite of the fallout from her former boss. And, if he could only know she would not sue him and she never had any plan to do so. She just wanted to work things out in a very adult manner, which for her never materialized because human resources failed to meet their obligation as an Equal Opportunity Employer. Isn't that sad.

Meredith , butler PA   04/08/02
Dear Mr. Schneider, My name is Meredith, and I was curious if there was a law in any state regarding apology? I am writing a bill for a school Youth and Government club and need some more usefull information on this topic. Thanks.

Michael Becker, Westport Co  mediate@snet.net     04/24/01
Carl, thanks for organizing so logically what many of us knew intuitively. I have used the full version article when teaching law students at the University of Connecticut Law School mediation clinic, and would highly recommend it.

Clark , Miami Beach Fl  cfreshma@law.miami.edu     07/12/00
The article has a very useful message here. One bit of added perspective: a recent study of EEOC mediation shows that a signficant number of employment discrimination cases do involve an apology. This also raises a public policy question, however: is the public well served when someone offers an apology for discrimination rather than making the kind of monetary payment that may deter future discrimination? Indeed, is the individual receiving an apology well served to accept an apology in lieu of other more tangible goods?