|
|||||
What's Happening at the Center
Conflict Resolution Services
Request for Mediation
Request for Mandated Mediation
Academic Programs
Request Academic Information
Calendar
Resources
Links
Articles About Mediation
Mediation Career Articles
Contact
|
Making “Cents” out of Money Conflicts By Matthew J. Dodd, Ph.D.
1. Pray Prayer is an amazing gift from God that can have a tremendous impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. Start by praying about your own attitudes towards your spouse when it comes to money issues. You can celebrate the differences between you and your spouse. If your spouse was just like you, you probably wouldn’t have any conflict in your life, and you probably wouldn’t have any perspective, challenges, “spice,” or adventure in your life either. You can pray for your spouse; not for God to change them, but perhaps that God can open your heart, your eyes, and your ears to understand your spouse better. And don’t forget to pray for God’s guidance about finances and all the other aspects of your life (more on this in a moment). Prayer is a great place to start when confusion and anger begin to build. 2. Seize the Opportunity The Chinese character for conflict has both the symbol for crisis and the symbol for opportunity included in it. When (not if) conflict arrives, you can seize the opportunity to work together instead of working against one another. You can team up to tackle the money problems instead of seeing your spouse as the problem. This is also your chance to pray together about the challenges you’re facing. The late Larry Burkett recommended getting together once a week with your spouse to just pray together. As you pray together and build that comfort of growing together spiritually, you can address any issue that comes along, including finances, and you don’t have to be so worried about the conflict pushing you apart emotionally when you talk about it. Seizing these opportunities to grow together takes some emotional maturity on your part. Our initial reaction is to be defensive in conflict to protect ourselves emotionally, but that emotional barrier that protects us can also act as a wall that keeps even our spouse at arms length, making it difficult to grow and mature together spiritually. Seize the opportunity and accept the challenge to become a better husband or wife to your spouse. 3. Explore your Money Values Did you know that arguments about money are not about money? Larry Burkett would frequently remind his audience that the way we manage our money is merely a reflection of our relationship with God. That’s not to say that having (or not having) wealth makes one more or less spiritual. It is to say that your personality and your attitude about life will be demonstrated by the decisions you make, including financial decisions. Before we get too theological here, let’s get an example. In his recent Money Life broadcast, Chuck Bently, the CEO of Crown Financial Ministries, gave multiple examples of lottery winners who received millions of dollars. Every one of these winners ended up in a worse position than before they won, and most of them wish they had never won the lottery at all. Having more money will not solve your money problems because the problem is ultimately not what you spend (or don’t spend) your money on, but it’s how you use your money to live out your values. Your values about what’s important in your life will determine how you use your money. So, when you and your spouse get into another argument about money, take a step back and remember these tips. Pray for your own attitudes and actions as you seek God’s guidance in your life. Seize the opportunity and use the conflict to help you and your spouse grow closer together and deal with the financial problems together. Explore your money values and ask yourself if your decisions are in line with what you value as most important in your life. These tips may not solve all your financial problems, but they can help you make sense of financial conflicts that lie ahead. For more information, check out these links below and take a look at the 2000+ verses about financial matters in the Bible. http://finishrich.com/pages/home.php
|
||||
It’s been said that opposites attract, and the same usually holds true for how couples deal with money. Many times one person is a saver and one is a spender, or one is the “accountant” and one is the “free spirit.” Whatever labels you use, these opposing pairs many times find themselves in relationship with one another. While this combination creates balance of two more-or-less extreme positions, it also leads to conflict about how to manage money. Here are some helpful tips on how couples can make sense (and cents) from money conflicts.