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Can Conflict Ever Be Resolved? By Garry P. Bailey, Ph.D.
Well, a better notion, if you ask me, is that in some cases conflict does get resolved but in others, it is managed. When a difficulty between people is understood and everyone involved can agree on what it is, you are on your way to a resolvable conflict. When the problem does not have many layers or related issues, true resolution can come easily. Bob and Penny work at Best Shoes as Sales Associates in the Dress Shoes Department. They receive a base salary but also commissions on sales. And since Penny is a single mother of young children, Bob always gives Penny first choice working with customers. Bob gets retirement pay from the military and pretty good dividends from wise investments over the years. They don’t know each other really well since both of them just started working for Best Shoes in the last 3 months. One morning after working with a customer, Penny seemed irritated about something. So at a convenient time, Bob asked Penny what was wrong. She didn’t want to say anything but Bob asked in such a way that Penny felt comfortable saying that she was bothered by the fact that Bob didn’t take his turn working with customers. Well, Bob responded by explaining his thinking that Penny probably needed more commissions than he did. Penny thanked him for his concern and deference to her but explained that she had a very comfortable living from a family Trust Fund in addition to her earnings at Best Shoes. Her work was an opportunity to get out with other adults, earn money, and allow her mother special time with the kids. Penny suggested that they take turns working with customers if Bob was okay with that. Bob was very happy sharing the work load equally and both perceived the conflict to be resolved. Darrell and John, however, work in a similar context but their conflict was not a resolvable one. Their problem was quite complex with several layers and many issues. They also work for Best Shoes as Sales Associates but they are in the Athletic Shoes Department. And unlike Bob and Penny, they are competitive working with customers, and also compete over their affections for Penny. Their competition over working with customers has become obvious to several store employees and occasionally to customers. It has become an issue that the Store Manager feels like she must address. In addition, they have both made Penny feel uncomfortable working with them and the result is a tension felt by many people throughout the store. Darrell and John are long time friends but now that they are working together they do not understand the negative feelings they have for each other. They have successfully worked together on projects before and always seemed to work out issues regarding women. The history of their relationship, the expectations for sales, the limited options in available women, and their self-consciousness about performance, among other things have created this surprising result. And not having a plan for managing their conflict, nature takes over and competition drives their responses to each other. There are different types of conflict besides competition and different ways to work at finding peace. Bob and Penny were able to work together to resolve differences because they share an understanding of the problem and agreed completely on a straightforward course of action. Darrell and John, however, will need a 3rd party intervention to help them manage their competitive natures and agree to a fair course of action. They may not like the intervention but should accept a conflict management process that produces a fair and satisfactory work environment. So can conflicts ever be resolved? I say, it depends. Not a simple, easy answer—but that is the nature of conflict.
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Several years ago, a popular notion surfaced suggesting that conflict was a thing to manage, not resolve.