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Tolerence, Hospitality, and Embracing the Other in Conflict
Conflict and the Emptied Self Garry Bailey, Ph.D. Dept. of Conflict Resolution Abilene Christian University Conflict is pervasive in American culture. That may be due to the fact that we are still a “me” generation, that we are also quick-fix people who want immediate relief from our problems. But, if you want real, long-term solutions to conflict, read on. For a number of reasons, American culture turned several years ago to an attitude of tolerance for almost anything. And it seemed like the only thing secular America did not tolerate was Christian intolerance. Ironically, intolerance is not the way Christians perceive their own orientation to culture change in America. So in Christian academic circles, the conversation reframed tolerance to the more appropriate concept of hospitality. One way of talking about hospitality is Miroslav Volf’s (1996) notion of embracing the other, a concept related to “kenosis.” Kenosis is the idea of emptying self. ‘The Emptied Self’ title comes from this notion of kenosis which is based on Philippians 2:5-8 (like Jesus who made Himself nothing, humbling Himself in obedience to God). The apostle Paul suggests that people should have the same attitude as Jesus. For a Christian, the idea of kenosis is a good one. However, the fact remains that humans live in a fallen world of sin and selfishness. We want the stuff that creates conflicts for us and then we look for quick–fixes to those conflicts. This makes achieving kenosis very difficult but not hopeless. The fact that sin and selfishness are prevalent in the world means that Christians must act intentionally in every area of life to practice a kenotic life. Research shows that common patterns of conflict include: avoiding the issue, always giving in to the other, fighting to get your way, working out a deal for yourself or finding creative solutions for you and the other. Interestingly, these common patterns all seem to have self in the very middle of the process. The emptied self in conflict does not shy away from confrontation. Jesus cleared the temple as described in John 2 and did it as a kenotic person. His confrontation of sellers in the temple was based on principles of love, joy, peace, and self-control—not self. And this would all be a fairly simplistic point if left here. The fact is, however, becoming the kenotic person is not just a process of sweeping self clean of self through simple denial. It is a growing and changing, living process. I refer to it technically as the morphogenesis of kenosis. Becoming kenotic is growing and changing into the Christ-like life full of His Spirit. The concept also works for the secular world as one realizes the advantages and truth of becoming a life full of love, joy, peace, and self-control. The process of change and growth is described in a model I call Kenotic Morphogenesis which is based on a model of social morphogenesis (Salem, 1997). There are four elements of the cycle including Emergence, Divergence, Transformation, and Convergence. In the context of conflict, the emergence of kenosis is in the process of denying the instincts to fight for self-interests or run away from personal fears by concentrating on the principles of spirit. Making the translation of instincts to spirit, however, is difficult and eventually overloads one’s social/spiritual system. In overload, a person makes adjustments of learning to manage conflict selflessly, of self-persuasion to focus on spiritual qualities, and of reflection on the purpose of the change. In transformation, new ways emerge for making the adjustments. Instincts develop for practicing the spiritual principles and the new patterns affect social dynamics creating more expectation for practicing the principles. Instincts even develop to minimize the effects of self-interests. The growing and changing system continues to operate through to the convergence phase where the new spiritual principles are quite predictable within a person and expected from others. It is in the convergence phase that new signs of further growth and change become evident. Although simplistically stated, the complex process of growth and change of an emptied self is anything but simplistic. The emptied self is more effective handling conflict because principles take the lead. In a conflicted world of self-interest clashes and fix-me-now thinking, kenotic morphogenesis is a way to grow and change that will make mature peacemakers of those who suffer from poorly managed conflict. As you grow and change, hospitality will be a natural instinct and you will find embracing the marginalized others in society a life-style that is effective when nurtured. And doing so will plant kenotic seeds among our me-generation afflicted, quick-fix addicted, neighbors. References Henry, D .V. and M. D. Beaty (2006). Christianity and the Soul of the University: Faith as a Foundation for Intellectual Community. Baker Academic: Grand Rapids, MI. Kilmann, R., and K. W. Thomas. (1975). Interpersonal Conflict-handling behavior as reflections of Jungian personality dimensions. Psychological Reports 37, p. 971-980. Salem, P. (1997). Information and Change: Social Morphogenesis. In G. A. Barnett &L. Thayer (Eds.), Organizational Communication (pp. 105-119). Greenwich, CT: Ablex Publishing. Volf, M. (1996). Exclusion & Embrace: A Theological Exploration of Identity, Otherness, and Reconciliation. Abingdon Press. (C) Copyright 2008 Garry P. Bailey
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In April, the Duncum Center for Conflict Resolution hosted a brown bag lunch for ACU faculty and staff. To launch the Center's Peace Talks series, Dr. Garry Bailey, Associate Professor in the Dept. of Conflict Resoltion, presented The Emptied Self in Conflict: The Kenotic Process of Growing a Principled Life and Handling Conflict with Wisdom. Dr. Bailey discussed tolerance, hospitality and how to truly embrace the other with principles in times of conflict. The following is an article by Dr. Bailey explaining these ideas.