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Fancy Cars and Big Trucks (Vol. 5, No. 6)

As part of my own twelve-step program, I routinely announce to the graduate students in my negotiation class, “I’m a recovering car buyer.”

It’s true.  A period of my life was grievously pocked with an enormous number of automobile purchases.  In fact, in one twelve-month period, I owned three different vehicles – all for my personal use.  First, I bought a small SUV when I really was shopping for a pickup.  A few months later, I bought a pickup to replace the SUV that I shouldn’t have bought when I was shopping for a pickup.  Then, a few months later, I traded in the pickup for an economical sedan that really was economical and really was a sedan and made me really wish that I still had either the SUV or the pickup.

As I was trying to teach my sons the importance of frugality and financial planning a few years back, it occurred to me how much money I had wasted over the years buying cars.  I built one of those fancy spreadsheets and factored in present values, future values, compound interest, and return on investment.  You can’t tell by looking at me but, had I not bought all of those cars and trucks, Bill Gates and I would be spending a lot of time together as fellow billionaires.  I’d be the less nerd-looking one.  No . . . the one on the right.

I’m happy to say that I have been successful in slowing the rate of my car-buying since that stark realization.  And, thanks to a friend who owns a dealership, I now purchase cars in a sterile, no-bargain zone.  It doesn’t feel exactly right.  But I get a great car at a great price.  And I try not to think about how much more fun it would have been to negotiate.

Now that I’m only allowed measured doses of new automobiles, I have to admit that I’ve developed a somewhat cynical view of other drivers – especially those in the really nice cars and trucks.  I’m trying to recover from that, as well.

As a result, I have decided to blame what I previously attributed to the drivers to be flaws in the vehicles themselves.  For purposes of brevity, I’ll limit my comments to the defects in fancy cars and big trucks.

For example, in the parking lot of a local catfish eatery today at lunch, I was able to recognize that all big pickup trucks are equipped with defective windshields and side windows.  I know this is true because not one truck driver was able to park straight between the two lines that comprised the boundary of his (or her) parking space.  I deducted that the inferior glass refracted the light in such a way that the drivers simply couldn’t take up less than two spaces.  Either that or the steering mechanisms on those big rigs are just inadequate.

As to fancy cars, I’ve noticed that a majority of them don’t have working turn signals.  On any given day, I wait patiently for an approaching Caddy or Lincoln to pass only to discover that they were turning.  And try as they might, those drivers were simply unable to get those turn signals to work.

I’ve also noted an issue with defective accelerator pedals in those foreign cars with big engines.  Actually, this isn’t a universal problem.  It’s only the foreign cars with big engines that I’m sitting behind at a traffic light.  Invariably, these creations with mammoth horsepower can’t seem to make it through the light in time to allow me to follow.

Big trucks and fancy cars are also equipped with an electronic device that allows them to seek out my car in a parking lot.  Behemoths parked all around, I am then unable to safely pull out of my space without fear of being rammed by the foreign car with the big engine that has managed to find the speed that escaped it at the traffic light.

I don’t know what’s worse.  Buying too many new cars.  Or choosing to be offended by those around me who have them.  Perhaps I should spend more time reflecting on my own parking skills and turn signals.  Perhaps I’m moving too slow or too fast.

Perhaps I’m not perfect.

Shine On!

Copyright 2005 Joe L. Cope