Brigitte Bell Brigitte Bell Mediation, Ltd.

PARENTING COORDINATOR SERVICES

In some cases, the conflict in families is so intense, so insidious, and/or so constant that families are unable to function effectively because the fighting and arguing interferes on such a pervasive level. Traditional mediation, with its emphasis on client self-determination, isn't effective in this context because parents and clients with intense conflict cannot agree even on simple, inconsequential issues, or even agree that a given issue might be inconsequential. A new subclass of mediation/arbitration, called "parenting coordination," is being used for these cases. A Parenting Coordinator is a trained mediator/child specialist who first tries to see if the parents can find common ground but who, if they cannot, has the power to define the solution. Moreover, a Parenting Coordinator will, after a while, have enough of a history with the family to find solutions that fit not only a given dispute but also the family's patterns of dysfunction, so that longer lasting problems can be explored under the oversight of the specialist. Thus, a Parenting Coordinator must have a strong background in Conflict Resolution, as Brigitte Bell does, in order to understand the dynamics of a given situation. The Parenting Coordinator must also, like Brigitte Bell does, have enough of an understanding of the children's developmental, emotional, physical, and educational needs to be able to define constructive soutions to the given problems.

A Parenting Coordinator is someone whom the parents feel they can trust and who will, in the long run, do what's best for the children. Brigitte's extensive work as a Child Representative and Guardian ad Litem for children whose parents are going through divorce or parenting battles or for cases where guardianship itself is at issue has given her significant experience and resources in all these areas. Her mediation skills also come into play to help her not only diagnose the problems but also work effectively with the parents and children and other family members to find lasting solutions to entrenched problems. (Brigitte is one of the pioneers in bringing this concept to Illinois.)

Why do we need parenting coordination?

"The only statistically significant factor about how children fare when their parents divorce is how much the parents fight and how they handle the conflict around the children. No particular schedule, no particular parenting arrangement, no pattern of overnights or times with mom or times with dad, no schedule regarding contact between siblings–none of that has been shown to affect the children’s welfare in a statistically significant way: only the degree of conflict between the parents."

This statement hangs on my wall in each of the offices, and parents never fail to comment on it.

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