Always A Godmother, Never A God—Power And Control In The Workplace
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From Lorraine Segal's Conflict Remedy Blog January 2010 |
Unrealistic attempts to control bosses, co-workers, or employees at meetings or individually can be huge sources of conflict in the workplace. When I recently saw this humorous title of a Gilmore Girls episode, Always a Godmother, Never a God, I thought of the frustration my students and conflict coaching clients express about control issues at work. I have also dealt with these myself as a program coordinator with a supervisor, employees, and co-workers.
Many workplaces are not the most comfortable, well run places to be. I’m sure we all at times attempt to figure out what’s wrong and what needs to change. Maybe, like me, you have been sure that your analysis of the problems in the workplace is the correct one, that if only other people would listen to your brilliant ideas and do things your way, the workplace would function much better.
Years ago, I used to take this further; even if people didn’t listen at first, I explained persistently, convinced that if I could only find the perfect words, everyone would realize my suggestions were best. If that didn’t work, I would try other forms of manipulation. I unconsciously had the delusion that I was an omniscient workplace “god” who could reveal the path of truth. I would be surprised when my efforts backfired, and people would resent me or manipulate back instead of being grateful.
I have learned the hard way that we can’t control other people or make them different; we can’t even make ourselves change. But, it is possible be a “godmother” of change. We can truly listen to the concerns and ideas of others without ignoring our own. We can recognize, with compassion, that others want to be right and be heard just as much as we do, and that it strengthens an organization’s effectiveness and harmony when we honor a number of perspectives.
Biography
Lorraine Segal, M.A., has her own Sonoma County conflict & forgiveness coaching, mediation, and training business, Conflict Remedy, based in Santa Rosa, California. She also teaches in Sonoma State University’s Conflict Resolution certificate program and leads communication skills workshops and webinars on forgiveness, co-parenting skills, and communication. She specializes in transforming communication for divorced parents.
She has presented face to face or via teleseminar for ACR, ADRHub, Women’s Global Leadership Institute, local non profits and schools. Her coaching and mediation services are available by telephone as well as face to face. Her blog and more information about her and her services are available at www.ConflictRemedy.com
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