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Tough Elder Decisions: The Mediation Option
There is a new field developing in the mediation world – Elder Mediation. Why this new practice area? Because the way families deal with elder transitions in America is undergoing a slow revolution. It's not just that boomers are facing parental transitions now. It's the underlying powerful force of ever higher continuing care/nursing home/Medicare costs combined with the need for families to take more and more elder care responsibility at a time when multi-generational family living is in sharp decline. This “perfect storm” of clashing factors inevitably puts tremendous pressures on families.
As a consequence, while it may be overly dramatic to call it an epidemic, numerous American families are becoming "quietly bruised" by the decision process. These families stumble through a major elder decision and end up with a less than ideal solution. Family members may have stopped communicating, may feel they have an unnecessary or uncomfortable guardianship situation, or simply continue to be unable to talk about things like money and financial planning because "Daddy never did that." This uncomfortable “bruised” state of quietly suffering families can be very stable and last for years. Some families never fully recover.
We are finding that the practice of elder meditation often provides an efficient and sensitive solution to the complicated elder care decision making process. Mediation isn’t simply an alternative to litigation, a “last resort” forum without the lawyers. Elder mediation is just as effective, and often more effective, at the beginning of the decision process – when families are fact finding, struggling with options and discovering feelings about their parents or adult children that well up and make clear thinking difficult. For instance, an important form of elder mediation is simply to convene a family meeting where a trained third party neutral is present to create the space for everyone in the family to be heard on an important developing family transition. This type of meeting, before the family is in crisis, can strengthen family ties and enable all family members to deal with the changing nature of their relationships and the realities of their situation. It allows family dynamics including sibling rivalries to be addressed at a time when everyone is calm and thoughtful decision making can occur. In this context, meetings can involve not just family members but appropriate professional resources like lawyers, geriatric care managers and financial planners. These professionals are encouraged to attend as their expertise, coupled with their insights into the family’s needs, are very helpful.
As baby boomers age and government resources diminish, we will face many difficult choices concerning how we handle transitions during our elders’ declining years. Families will have to be able to evaluate resources and options and develop ever changing strategies to support their elders. This will require communication and problem solving skills that will need to be increasingly sophisticated. Elder mediation is a rational first step for families to help them address their changing needs. It gives them a forum to exchange their bruises for shared decision making and emotional health.
Biography
Rikk Larsen is a mediator, trainer, conflict coach and Managing Partner at Howell Larsen Associates. He received his mediation training at the Harvard Mediation Program of the Harvard Law School, Mediation Works Incorporated (MWI) and The Center for Social Gerontology. He has advanced training in elder care, divorce, parent/child, landlord/tenant, civil/criminal, and transformative mediation. Rikk has attended MWI’s Train the Trainer Institute and Harvard Law School’s Program on Negotiation. He has attended the Harvard Negotiation Insight Initiative’s Summer Learning Forum on meditation and mediation. His community mediation work includes parent/child cases through the Metropolitan Mediation Service. A founding partner of Elder Decisions, Rikk has lived in the Boston area since 1970. He is a member of the New England Chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution and the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation. He received his BA from Williams College and his MBA from Harvard Business School.
Blair Trippe is a mediator, trainer and founding partner of Elder Decisions, a joint venture of Agreement Resources LLC (of which she is a principal) and Howell-Larsen Associates. In addition to her private practice, Blair mediates in Massachusetts District Courts and is on the Panel of the Middlesex Multi-Door Courthouse where she mediates prisoner cases through the Suffolk and Middlesex Superior Courts. She serves on two subcommittees for the Trial Court’s Standing Committee on Dispute Resolution. Blair has developed and conducted training programs in conflict resolution, and peer mediation and was on the faculty of the Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center’s conference on Alzheimer’s Disease. Blair is on the Board of Directors of the New England Association for Conflict Resolution, and is also a member of the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation. Blair received extensive advanced mediation training from The Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School, Mediation Works Incorporated (MWI) and The Center for Social Gerontology. She earned an MBA in marketing and finance from the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University and a BA in psychology from Connecticut College.
Comments
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| Helen Hopkinson,
Wayne Pa |
helen@mainlineeldercare.com
10/01/08 |
| Elder Mediation |
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I would also like to know where the majority of clients come from. Are the referred to you by doctors, lawyers, counsellors? Thanks |
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| Patti ,
Independence OH |
01/26/05 |
| Elder mediation network |
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I am interested in joining an EM network representing Northeast Ohio. Having recently co-authored a book on the topic (TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors, and Organizations), I am aware of how much education we must do to promote a service about which too few are aware.
Perhaps someone knows of a copmuter expert/intern in a school of business who might donate her/his time to put a national website together. Sorry, I don't know any here...
Will also contact other Elder Mediators in Ohio and New York to learn of their interest.
My husband, John Bertschler, is speaking on a panel next month (Feb, 2005) at the law school in Atlanta, GA on the topic of EM. It's heartening to see others taking an interest in new trends in healthcare and long-term care facilities and that they are open to learning about elder mediation. Keep me posted as to next steps. Patti |
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| Barbara Manousso,
Houston TX |
mediation@manousso.net
11/28/04 |
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Yes, I am very interested in being part of a coordinated elder network.
Since I am in the process of setting up an organization in Harris County, coordinating with other elder mediators around the country makes sense. A national network is important because the children and parents might be in different cities.
I look forward to hearing from you. Send me your phone number and I will be happy to call you. Barbara |
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| Janet E. ,
Fort Wayne IN |
11/19/04 |
| Network of Eldercare Mediators? |
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Dear Eldercare Mediator:
Are you interested in forming a formal or informal network of Eldercare Mediators? If so, please respond to this email, noting your preference:
1. Informal Network: Share information about Eldercare Mediation books, articles, training seminars, contracts to mediate, evaluations, and "peace stories" by email.
2. Formal Network: The above, plus perhaps have a Web listing of Eldercare Mediators and a Website.
Also, if there is a good response, we will need a volunteer to coordinate this Eldercare Mediator Network. Interested?
Please forward this email to others who provide Eldercare Mediation. Thanks!
Cordially,
Janet E. Mitchell, J.D., Eldercare Mediator
Family and Civil Mediator, and
Mediation Trainer, Midwest Mediation Training Center
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