Tips for Dealing with Emotion in Mediation

1. Begin thinking about the emotional climate of a case early on, preferably during the pre-mediation phase. Sometimes it will be apparent. If not, inquire of the parties and/or attorneys.

2. When dealing with emotionally charged situations, safety and trust are critical. Give thought (in advance if possible) to what the parties and lawyers may need to establish a sense of safety and trust.

3. When appropriate, encourage direct emotional expression. ("In my experience talking about the feelings underlying the conflict can be very helpful.") Give the parties permission to "go there."

4. When emotions surface in mediation, normalize them. ("Its normal to feel grief in this situation").

5. Learn to recognize emotional blocks when they arise in mediation, and how to facilitate constructive emotional expression. The parties will usually flag emotional issues for you, but they will often do so indirectly.

6. Distinguish between feelings and behavior. Inappropriate behavior can be addressed through ground rules, and should not be confused with responsible expression of strong emotion.

7. Stay with the heat. Allow each person to have his feelings straight out, without stifling or interfering with them. (Even an offer of support can be distracting.) When an opening presents itself, put your active listening and empathy skills in gear. Reflect back the emotional content and intensity.

8. Promote emotional literacy amongst parties and attorneys. Explain that acknowledging feelings can be a very important step in conflict resolution (and no, it is not therapy).

9. Give the parties options. "Are you comfortable discussing this in the joint session? Would you prefer to talk privately?"

10. Give the attorneys options. "It would be helpful for me to talk with your client about her underlying feelings. Are you okay with that? Would you prefer to take a break while I speak with her?"

11. Be aware of your own internal response to strong emotions. Are you contracting or resisting? Are you judging? If so, can you set that aside and support the party?

12. Learn to embrace healthy emotional expression. Recognize that emotions tend to connect people in a very human way, and often hold the key to unlocking conflict at a profound level.

Biography

Comments

---

Free subscription to comments on this article

Add Brief Comment

Apu ,   Warri	05/08/08
The article is indeed intresting of which i will share with friends for a positive impact Add New Comment

Kyle ,   Union Bay bc	11/16/05
»Personal Injury »With a beer Can?
Whats next? we have lawyers suing other attorneys for the silliest things now. check out this article. http://currentworldnews.blogspot.com/2005/11/personal-injury-lawyer-accuses-another.html Add New Comment

Shelia Rawls,   Atlanta GA	smr2@cdc.gov      04/03/03
Comments to the Tips Piece
4/3/2003 Good Morning: Excellent article. I will utilize the suggestions as I continue my work in mediation and ADR. Thank you for sharing. Shelia M. Rawls ADR Specialist Centers for Disease Control & Prevention Add New Comment

David Bogan,   Auckland NZ	davidbogan@clear.net.nz      04/02/03
Emotional decisions
I enjoyed your article and indeed find that all decisions - the reason to move - are emotional (Rt Brain and Red Hat) - as in De Bono's Coloured Hats Theory - and the rationalisation that follows is Left Brain, and Black & White Hats - in a sense for the individual it's the division between Truth and Reality - and as Meatloaf says in his song "What I believe is true" Thanks for the article - David Bogan Add New Comment

Kristine ,   Grand Forks ND	04/02/03
Emotion
This is a nice article and highlights the importance of emotion in conflict. 90+% of all communication is nonverbal and if we're not noticing emotion, we're certainly missing a lot. Though I may not agree wholly with each point, this article gives some great advice to mediators regarding the importantance of emotion in conflict conversations. I totally disagree with the idea of ignoring emotion so that it goes away. My experience has been that if emotion is ignored, one of two things happen: the person feels ashamed; or the emotion gets "louder", both of which work to disempower the party or to shut down their ability to participate (communicate, listen, make decisions...). Add New Comment

See All 6 Comments

The views expressed by authors are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Resourceful Internet Solutions, Inc., Mediate.com or of reviewing editors.