A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To Resolution!

Question: “How many mediators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

Mediator: “So what I hear you saying is that you would like the room to be brighter.”

The thought about humor in mediation came to me when I read a comment made by a disputant on a post-mediation evaluation form.

The disputant, Joe, was a large, unkempt, rough and rambling man. He presented his story to the panel of 3 volunteer community-based mediators. He had been injured in the laundry room of the apartment building where he lived, because a leaky washer had caused water to be on the floor. While doing the family laundry, he had slipped in the water, and fallen and injured his back. He worked as a heavy equipment operator, and had lost several weeks of work due to his injury. He wanted the apartment owners to pay him for his injuries and his lost wages. He talked about how the injury had affected his life, his income—he was quite agitated—and it is fair to say the mediators felt a little worried about the possibility that he might, well, erupt. They listened to his story, asked questions, kept him on track, and helped him communicate with the others at the table.

The other party, defendants in the lawsuit filed by Joe, were the property manager of a small apartment complex and her insurance adjustor. They sat, by pre-arrangement, alongside the plaintiff. The case had come from the Small Claims Court by agreement of both parties, for mediation.

The property manager and adjustor talked about their view of the case. The adjustor felt Joe had not been injured as claimed, suggested he had “made up” his injury, and that he was just trying to get money from the insurance company. She acknowledged his medical expenses, (Joe had copies of bills) questioned his lost income, explained that her company had denied Joe’s claim because of lack of proof.

As the process went on, Joe and his spouse, and the property manager and insurance adjustor, had engaged in occasionally heated discussions about the issues. The panel of mediators helped in keeping things peaceful. The result of these discussions was that the adjustor agreed to arrange for payment to Joe of an amount that he felt was fair, and the property manager agreed to assure that the laundry room equipment was in good operating condition. The parties thanked each other and the mediators, hands were shaken, and they departed.

A few days later the mediation center received a letter from Joe in response to its standard request for feedback on the mediation process. Joe’s response was: “You listened to me. No one listens to me. I wouldn’t have listened to me. Thanks for your help. “

Joe had, through the mediation process, been able to look within himself and take the time to comment, in a fairly insightful way, on his perceptions, of himself, of the process.

That his comment contained an aspect of humor, in a self-deprecating way, caused me to think about the issue of humor and mediation. And to wonder whether we mediators may not tend to look at what we do with an eye toward its humorous aspects. Not that we take ourselves too seriously, but that we do not always appreciate the possibilities of humor in our field, in what we do, in our unique culture. I suggest that the opportunity to look at the funny side of mediating offers an extensive opportunity for creative insight finding, as well as fun making.

An admittedly brief review of the literature did not reveal any writing on the subject of humor in mediation. Lots of articles exist however on the curative properties of laughter. A newspaper cartoon was found, a single frame showing one side of the mediation table lined with barbarians waving swords and axes. The mediator sat at one end and was saying: “I’m beginning to pick up on a sense of hostility here…” The caption read: “Being a skilled mediator, nothing gets by Nancy.” (credit to Wiley)

So the question might be, what is humor in mediation and how can, or should it be employed to make our endeavors more enjoyable or productive. Is humor a valuable subject for debate, or exploration, to deepen our understanding of what we do, and how we do it? For example, we might laugh at our ingrained training to reframe, as noted in the opening lines above. Or we might have stories to share about experiences in mediation, for example the story of Joe’s experience of the mediation process.

I suggest that the forum for sharing jokes, stories or humorous insights, and debate on the subject be opened for contributors. Mediator.com is a perfect venue for this venture. Add your joke to the comment field at the end of this article.

Biography

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John  ,   Berkeley CA	04/09/04
Hello, This article by Carl Debevec has been the impetus for Mediate.com to create a new Humor Section www.mediate.com/humor . Carl has agreed to be Section Editor and has posted his first Editorial. http://www.mediate.com/articles/debevecC2.cfm We hope to begin a dialogue on the Subject and encourage you to visit the Section and the Editorial, make comments and subscribe to the Comments, so that you will be kept informed of ongoing dialogue. Pass the word, share a humorous insight or a bad joke. Like " I used to be a Vegatarian, but now I am a mediator." Groan.... John Helie Add New Comment

Wayne Marriott,   Timaru	wayne@fleetwood.co.nz      03/10/04
Irony in Mediation
Whilst talking over the phone with a tenant recently, as part of a shuttle process involving significant rent arrears and property damage, I could not miss the irony of hearing "Talking Heads" blasting out in the background "Watch out, you might get what you're after.............burning down the house" Add New Comment

Lois ,   Spokane WA	lbradf@msn.com      03/10/04
While I was a relatively new mediator, I was paired with an even newer mediator for a landlord-tenant dispute filed by the tenant to get back her damage deposit. There was immediately a lot of loud, verbal posturing and gesticulating between the parties. The landlord had brought a very complete album of pictures showing how the rental property looked when it was vacated. She asked if she could show them to the other party. We said, "Sure," and suddenly the two were both standing, reaching over us to view the pictures. My co-mediator and I were thinking to ourselves, "It can't be good to have two angry disputants standing over us!" But, what do you know, let the clients have the lead and see what happens! The tenant was appalled by what she saw--she had left her sister to do the final clean-up. No one was more surprised than the mediators when the parties agreed to settle the case by the tenant (the original claimant!) agreeing to not only forfeit her damage deposit and agreeing to pay the landlord additional money for damages. The wonder of mediation, where anything is possible! Add New Comment

Carl ,   Vacaville CA	03/10/04
ANOTHER FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON MY WAY TO RESOLUTION. The response from mediators to this column about humorous ways of looking at our profession has been gratifying. For example we learned: Why does a mediator cross the road? Answer: I can’t tell you until the chicken gives me authorization. The humorous aspect of what we do also arises out of the interactions we have with disputants, the stories they tell, the situations they bring to the table, the resolutions they reach, or don’t reach. Although a conflict is serious business to those enmeshed in it, the fact is that many times, especially from the perspective of a neutral, the stories of conflict carry with them an element of humor. The occasional absurdity of a situation, a dispute, a position can form the core of an amusing story, out of which we might find meaning. Or at least a good laugh. These stories, when shared in a way respectful to the confidentiality of the disputants, can provide a broader and richer view of the very human aspects of the dispute resolution process. And sometimes the disputants themselves may, on the way to resolution, find some humor in their situation. Like Joe, in the article said “They listened to me. I wouldn’t have listened to me.” For example, you might have asked yourself, when is it appropriate to bring a dog to the table. One neighbor, Mr. H., in a neighborhood dispute, felt it would bolster his case to show everyone (3 community mediators and his neighbors) that his German Shepherd was not as aggressive as his neighbors complained. He showed up with the dog, sat down, and the dog went under the table. The main complaining neighbor, Mrs. T. arrived, and at first did not see the dog. When the dog stuck its head out as she walked by, she shrieked in fear, and the dog was asked to leave. Despite this somewhat dubious beginning, the parties reached a resolution, and Mr. H. apologized for his action. Or the community-wide dispute where two service clubs were fighting (in court, replete with restraining orders) over which one would have the right to sponsor an annual fund-raising barbecue. The amount in controversy was about $8000 a year. (As you may know the intensity of a dispute is not always directly proportional to the amount.) This was a public dispute, dueling letters-to-the-editor had been exchanged for weeks, and 50 people appeared to “witness” the mediation. An agreement as to process was reached, as a result of which there were "only" 26 people at the table, 13 on each side, to be fair. Plus their attorneys. They agreed to co-sponsor the event and actually made more money as a result. There are many more stories out there that deserve to be told, and we hope you would feel comfortable sharing them in this forum. Add New Comment

Ewan  Malcolm,   Edinburgh UK	ewan@scottishmediation.org.uk      03/05/04
Mediation Joke
Have a look at http://www.consensusmediation.co.uk/mediationjokes.html for some more amusing mediator jokes. As I some times describe myself as a "recovering" lawyer now that I am working full time in mediation, I am very familiar with the sneeky bullying of folk who claim to be "just joking". However, I feel sure that gentle self perceptive humour is a good sign of our profession developing into its adult phase. Best wishes from Scotland. Add New Comment

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