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10 Tips For Dealing With Conflict

by Jeff Thompson
April 2010

From Jeff Thompson's Enjoy Mediation Blog

Jeff Thompson

John M. McKee, founder and CEO of

BusinessSuccessCoach.net, put together 10 Tips & Tactics for Dealing With Conflict which I think will help ADR professionals- as a mediator, ombuds, coach, advocate, etc.- better prepare themselves as well as clients for conflict prevention and resolution.


For John's full explanation of the list, click the link below to go to the original posting. The added information here are my own thoughts and views.

1. Ask Questions- The best way to find out more information and allow the other person to speak is by asking questions. Open-ended questions allows even more information to be gathered!
2. Analyze Expectations- Do you expect the other person to give you the whole $100,000, the house and the boat.... and the car and the summer house? Think about their wants and needs to. Look at it as a negotiation- not a boxing match.

3. Recognize Differing Perspectives- Maybe the other party see things differently? It's not always about right and wrong. Understanding their point of view is important in moving towards an agreement.

4. Identify Mistakes- Was your message received the way your intended it to be? If not, it's okay to further explain yourself. Moving forward sometimes means acknowledging mistakes,even when they were not intended.

5. Watch Out For Emotional Triggers- What gets you really, really angry or upset? Knowing and planning ahead will help prevent those moments of you having to say afterwards, "Why did I say that?"

6. Focus On Preventing Escalation- Going tit-for-tat can contribute to a downward spiral of everyone losing. Think about what's best for you... given the current situation.

7. Take Action To Control The Situation- Only you can control yourself, so try! It helps incredibly. Having control builds confidence, and confidence helps you think more clearly.

8. Commit To Working It Out- Approaching a negotiation or dialogue with the mindset of being determined to enter it with an open mind and wanting to see a positive resolution will help that actually happen. Success comes from "cans" not "can'ts".

9. De-escalate The Situation- Think about the relationship and the alternatives to reaching an agreement. Regardless, losing your cool and trying to one-up the other leads to confrontation. The idea here is working together- collaboration not confrontation!

10. Stay Calm- Breath. Do it again. Prepare. Breath! Yes, breathing and preparing are two key elements to help you remaining calm. Also, anticipating the other persons needs, actions and wants helps prevent surprises which might have a negative affect on your 'coolness'!

Original post [here]

Biography


Jeff Thompson, Ph.D., is a professor at Lipscomb University, researcher, mediator, and trainer. He is also involved in crisis and hostage negotiation as well as a law enforcement detective. His research includes law enforcement crisis and hostage negotiation in terrorist incidents. He received his doctorate from Griffith University Law School having researched the impact nonverbal communication has in conflict situations with respect to developing rapport, building trust, and displaying professionalism.

Dr. Thompson has presented and trained on the topic of conflict, mediation, (crisis and hostage) negotiation, communication and nonverbal communication internationally for a variety of audiences including police personnel, government officials, judges, attorneys, physicians, sales people, business professionals, and both graduate and undergraduate students. He has also been published in numerous professional and academic publications.

He is the co-chair of ACR's national Crisis Negotiation Section, and he is an ad-hoc reviewer for multiple academic journals. He received his MS in Negotiation and Dispute Resolution from the Werner Institute, Creighton University School of Law.

(All posts by Jeff Thompson represent his personal reflections and opinions and not that of any organization.)



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