7 Elements of Negotiation, Part 3: Relationship
You have your interests figured out as well as your alternative. Both are two very important tasks to take care of during your preparations, as well as to remember during the negotiation. An important question to ask yourself before you begin your negotiation is, "How important is the relationship I have with the other party/negotiator/group they are representing?"The value, or lack, of the relationship should determine such things like how hard will you press certain issues, how tough of a stand will you take, will you be more attacking or submissive, etc?If the relationship will not exist after the negotiation concludes, you might not care how they feel or really be all to concerned with their emotions, right? Well, not really. Although you might not care as much compared to wanting to keep a relationship ongoing, I would still advise someone not to go into the negotiation 'guns blazing'.The first reason is personal. Maybe I might not care all to much what the other party thinks of me, but I do care what I think of me. Huh?What I mean is I have control over me and only me in the negotiation. I do not want to resort to name calling or an all out offensive attack because that is not how I negotiate. Additionally, consider your reputation. You might never interact with this person or group again, but keep in mind they might talk to other people in your field or market. When someone says, "your reputation precedes you," you don't want it to be for being a hothead, do you?Losing the battle might help you win the war. Ok, first I really dislike referring to any mediation or negotiation to war, so this is a rarity but it fits. If maintaining the relationship is more important than this particular issue/conflict you are having, is it really worth damaging, possibly beyond the point of fixing? This is a very important question to ask yourself.As a mediator, it is important to ask the parties how important the relationship is. By doing so you are playing the crucial role of reality testing to get them to consider the choices they might make and the future implications it will have.
Jeff Thompson is a certified international mediator. He is also a law enforcement detective in New York. His law enforcement role include a being a communication and conflict specialist, interfaith dialogue, developing and implementing community engagement programs, and designing training workshops.
Jeff is currently a PhD candidate researching nonverbal communication and mediation at Griffith University Law School. He also received his MS in Negotiation and Dispute Resolution from the Creighton University School of Law. Jeff has presented and trained on the topic of conflict, mediation, communication and nonverbal communication internationally and has been published and featured with numerous international media organizations. He currently writes also at PsychologyToday.com.
(All posts by Jeff Thompson represent his personal reflections and opinions as a mediator and not that of any organization.)
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