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How Did This Become About Me?!?

by Vivian Scott
December 2012

Conflicts of Interest Blog by Vivian Scott

Vivian Scott

I haven’t seen it done in a while but in the past if a business wanted to draw attention to itself for a big event, it would bring in a huge spotlight that would illuminate the night sky and grab the interest of everyone from miles around. I think that particular visual is a great analogy for what sometimes happens in a conflict. The issue starts out being about one person and ends up with the focus—or the spotlight—on the other. And, surprising, how the spotlight moves its focus from one to the other isn’t always due to the first person trying to blame shift.

We’ve all dealt with people who have plenty of excuses about others. Add in some victim-like speak and you have blame shifting at its best. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. What I am talking about is how the other person responds and how that response can morph them from being the innocent bystander to the one with the gigantic spotlight focused squarely on them. Oops!

When one over-reacts, refuses to talk, goes around/over/behind the chain of command, or flails around like a five-year-old, they run the risk of making themselves the problem and shifting the focus of attention. In the blink of an eye you can go from minding your own business to having the powers that be all up in your business. So, how do you avoid such a thing? Do the opposite of overreacting, refusing to talk, or flailing around. Show concern for any issues (no matter who brings them) and talk the situation through in a way that keeps the spotlight aimed in the other direction. Then, move on in the shadows until the light shines on you for the right reasons (like for your amazing ability to handle conflict!).

Biography


Vivian Scott is a Professional Certified Mediator and the author of Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies.  She spent many years in the competitive and often stress-filled world of high tech marketing where she realized resolving conflict within the confines of office politics was paramount to success.  Through creative solutions to common conflicts she was able to bring various entities together, both internally and externally, for the betterment of projects and a productive working environment.     

Prior to retiring from Microsoft in 1999 she developed the “America at Work” video series, a six-part program featuring small businesses employing technology in attention-grabbing ways.  “America at Work” aired on the USA Network and received the Silver Screen Award from the International Film and Video Festival for outstanding creativity.   Using discerning negotiation, mediation, and problem-solving skills, she successfully worked with others to co-create “How-to Guides”, “Seminar in a Box”, and even one of the first on-line Guerrilla Marketing books.   

Since her retirement, Ms. Scott has gone on to earn a B.A. in Interdisciplinary Arts & Sciences with a concentration in American Studies from the University of Washington.  She completed an extensive practicum with the Dispute Resolution Center of Snohomish & Island Counties where she has mediated numerous cases, helping parties resolve conflict in workplace, family, and other disputes.  Her private mediation practice has handled cases ranging from assisting business partners in ending their relationship to creating a new working environment within a law firm.  Ms. Scott is a member of the Washington Mediation Association and spends a majority of her time advocating embracing peace in a volatile world.   

Her book, Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies, can be found in bookstores, on www.amazon.com, www.dummies.com, or any number of on-line bookseller sites.    



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Website: www.vivianscottmediation.com

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