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Poor Behavior 4: Over-Reacting

by Vivian Scott
February 2012

Conflicts of Interest Blog by Vivian Scott

Vivian Scott

Continuing the Dirty Dozen list of 12 behaviors that cause conflict at work and then are attributed to the catchall phrase, “personality clashes”, let’s yell #4 from the rooftops!

#4: Over-Reacting

Some employees like to say, “Unless you’re bleeding, choking, or there’s a fire, I don’t need to know about it.” On the other end of the spectrum there are those want to take the smallest glitch and make it a Federal case—complete with imaginary TV coverage and expert commentary.

Big reactions with big voices and big gesticulations often stem from a lack of information and a whole lot of assuming. They also seem to happen when people are especially tired, stressed, or under a lot of pressure. And, what workplace doesn’t experience stress or pressure? It’s expected that you and your peers will snap at each other once in a while. Feeling slighted by a comment or a being worried about a missed deadline isn’t that unusual. Throwing a fit and getting into a spitting match in the middle of the hallway, though, is over-reacting.

There are two important things to remember about over-reacting. First, the more emotional the response, the more you know that the real issue is probably not the one being discussed. Secondly, the more emotional someone is the less they’re going to be able to reason with you. Instead of responding with your own snarky retort take a breath and let the person vent for a minute. Give them some space and come back to the topic when things aren’t so raw. Consider a few open-ended questions or calming comments that will help you uncover what the reaction is really about. For example, say something like, “I can see this is really upsetting. What’s most bothersome about it for you? Help me understand this reaction.” If they’re not able to answer in a way that makes sense to you, either keep asking or suggest you talk another time when you’re both better prepared.

If you’re the one who’s about to blow up or cry or stomp out, ask for some time so you can decipher what it is about the issue that is causing you to want to react poorly. Is it really that the report came in 15 minutes late or that your coworker makes you feel unimportant all too often? You may have to find some quiet time to work through your emotions or you may find it helpful to ask someone to listen while you rant about the situation until you’ve reached a conclusion regarding the real issue. Either way, stepping back from an over-reaction (yours or theirs) gives you both the opportunity to return with clearer heads so you have a better chance of putting out the right fire.

Biography


Vivian Scott is a Professional Certified Mediator and the author of Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies.  She spent many years in the competitive and often stress-filled world of high tech marketing where she realized resolving conflict within the confines of office politics was paramount to success.  Through creative solutions to common conflicts she was able to bring various entities together, both internally and externally, for the betterment of projects and a productive working environment.     

Prior to retiring from Microsoft in 1999 she developed the “America at Work” video series, a six-part program featuring small businesses employing technology in attention-grabbing ways.  “America at Work” aired on the USA Network and received the Silver Screen Award from the International Film and Video Festival for outstanding creativity.   Using discerning negotiation, mediation, and problem-solving skills, she successfully worked with others to co-create “How-to Guides”, “Seminar in a Box”, and even one of the first on-line Guerrilla Marketing books.   

Since her retirement, Ms. Scott has gone on to earn a B.A. in Interdisciplinary Arts & Sciences with a concentration in American Studies from the University of Washington.  She completed an extensive practicum with the Dispute Resolution Center of Snohomish & Island Counties where she has mediated numerous cases, helping parties resolve conflict in workplace, family, and other disputes.  Her private mediation practice has handled cases ranging from assisting business partners in ending their relationship to creating a new working environment within a law firm.  Ms. Scott is a member of the Washington Mediation Association and spends a majority of her time advocating embracing peace in a volatile world.   

Her book, Conflict Resolution at Work For Dummies, can be found in bookstores, on www.amazon.com, www.dummies.com, or any number of on-line bookseller sites.    



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Website: www.vivianscottmediation.com

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