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Who Are You When You're in Conflict?

by Cinnie Noble
November 2014

From the Conflict Mastery blog by Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble

It happens sometimes that we lose track of ourselves when in conflict. We may find we turn into someone who doesn’t even resemble who we usually are and how we interact. We may become an angry parent, a petulant child, a dogmatic teacher, a judge or other personas that reflect a different somebody than we want to be.

Our changing personality – if and when it appears – may emerge because we are overly stressed and upset, hurt, frightened, overwhelmed, not getting our point across, or not getting what we want. At these times we may default to bad habits we have tried to change or ones we use to get our way. Whatever propels us to act and communicate in ways that seem surreal, we know at some level of awareness we have stepped out of ourselves. We might say to ourselves, “I just heard someone say such hurtful things and I think the words came out of my mouth!”

This week’s blog invites readers to consider who you want to be when in conflict and who you become – if you lose track of yourself.

  • Who are you when in conflict that reflects the person you don’t want to be?
  • What motivates you to be that person?
  • How do you experience your being at these times?
  • Under what circumstances are you the person you don’t want to be?
  • Who are you when in conflict that reflects the person you want to be?
  • What motivates you to be so?
  • How do you experience your being at these times?
  • Under what circumstances are you the person you want to be when in conflict?
  • What power do you lose when you are not the person you don’t want to be?
  • What does that mean for the conflict (your answer to the last question)?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

Biography


Cinnie Noble is a lawyer, mediator and certified coach. She created the CINERGY model of conflict coaching in 1999 and coaches, consults and trains the CINERGY model in Canada, the U.S., Ireland, Australia and Europe.  Cinnie is also the author of Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model.



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