As soon as we begin to react to someone who provokes us there are options about how to proceed. One of those is to give the person the benefit of the doubt. This expression apparently refers to the legal phrase “reasonable doubt” first documented in the 18th Century English law. The phrase was accepted as the degree of doubt required to acquit a criminal defendant and was defined in terms of moral certainty. In the 20th Century “reasonable doubt” was given constitutional status in the U.S. as a standard that reduces the risk of false convictions. This expression continues to be commonly used when assessing criminal culpability.
How does giving another person the benefit of the doubt apply in conflict situations? Several possibilities exist and the same concept of assessing guilt applies. It may, for instance, have to do with questioning the blame we are placing on another person. That is, is there a possibility that we are not be absolutely correct in the fault finding we are directing to or about him or her? Or, it may be about questioning negative interpretations we are making about the other person’s motives. In this case, asking ourselves “What else may he or she have intended?” may be an appropriate way to open up the space for other possible reasons.
As you answer the other questions from this week’s blog, consider a situation and a person’s action for which you are blaming him or her for something. These questions, like all ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions), may be put in the past tense too if it is after the conflict and you are looking back at your reaction.
For what specifically are you blaming the person?
For what reason(s) is she or she at fault?
If you saw or heard a good friend do or say that, what other reasons may you consider as possibilities (if any)?
When you do or say the same sort of things (if you do), what are your reasons for doing so?
If you were to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, what reasons may you consider for his or her actions or words?
What resonates about your answer(s) to the previous question?
What doesn’t resonate about your answer(s)?
If it is just not feel feasible for you to give the benefit of the doubt to this person, how does that impact the relationship and/or situation?
If it is feasible to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, what would that be like for you?
What may that mean for him or her?
What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?
Cinnie Noble is a lawyer, mediator and certified coach. She created the CINERGYmodel of conflict coaching in 1999 and coaches, consults and trains the CINERGY model in Canada, the U.S., Ireland, Australia and Europe. Cinnie is also the author of Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model.