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Standing Up for Yourself

by Cinnie Noble
October 2012

Cinergy Coaching by Cinnie Noble

Cinnie Noble

Sometimes during conflict we lose our confidence and composure. We may become plagued with self-doubt and feel we are not able to stand up for ourselves. We back down at these times and give in to the other person. We may regret doing so and admonish ourselves for lack of courage or ‘guts’. This and other self-limiting beliefs eat away at our self-esteem and we may feel all the more helpless and powerless.
More things may get in our way of standing up for ourselves, too. For instance, fears of different sorts often fuel the tendency to yield to the other person with whom we are in conflict, including the fear of a breakdown of the relationship. When we see the other person as more powerful or even more vulnerable, we also may not stand up for ourselves. When we lose our energy and feel broken, we may back down. These and other reasons impede healthy exchanges about our differences and the ability to support and express ourselves the way we prefer.
This week’s ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) blog asks you to consider any inclination you have to back down rather than stand up for yourself. So, please consider the last time you did not stand up for yourself in a conflict, when responding to the following:


What did you want to stand up for in the conflict you have in mind?
What kept you from doing so?
How did it feel?
What did you do instead?
What happened as a result of not standing up for yourself?
What bothers you most about that outcome?
If you had stood up for yourself, what would you have said or done?
How may things have been different if you had stood up for yourself that way?
What fears do you have about standing up for yourself?
What do you think needs to happen for you to stand up for yourself? How will you make that happen?

What other ConflictMastery™ Quest(ions) may you add here?

Biography


Cinnie Noble is a lawyer, mediator and certified coach. She created the CINERGY model of conflict coaching in 1999 and coaches, consults and trains the CINERGY model in Canada, the U.S., Ireland, Australia and Europe.  Cinnie is also the author of Conflict Management Coaching: The CINERGY Model.



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