Stay up to date on everything mediation!

Subscribe to our free newsletter,
"This Week in Mediation"

Sign Up Now

Already subscribed No subscription today
Mediate.com

The Essential (and often ignored) Ingredient for Conflict Resolution

by Tammy Lenski
September 2014

Tammy Lenski's Conflict Zen Blog

Tammy Lenski

You wander from room to room
Hunting for the diamond necklace
That is already around your neck.
– Rumi

The answer to your conflicts does not lie in yet another conflict resolution skills workshop to add to all that you’ve taken before (skills training may be worthwhile but there comes a point when more is not better).

It does not lie in shinier, newer techniques than the ones you already have (no one wants to be techniqued anyway).

There is no single magic bullet that, if you can only discover it, will set you free (forgive the violent metaphor).

You don’t need to wander from workshop room to workshop room hunting for the perfect technique. What you seek is already with you. The diamond necklace is already around your neck.

Attitude is your diamond necklace. It is the foundation from which all the tools and techniques in your toolbox have the chance to be used poorly or used well.

I, an educator before I was a professional conflict resolver, am not making an argument against learning. I could not. I could not fathom resolving conflict without the desire to learn. But what you focus on learning matters.

Learn which attitudes limit and which expand options. Learn how to notice the attitude you’re carrying during your conflict conversations. Learn to shift your attitude and possibility opens up before you.

I work daily on this myself. I am given many chances to feel humbled yet again. I am grateful for the frequent reminders that I own such a diamond necklace; those reminders make me value the diamonds even more.

Biography


Dr. Tammy Lenski helps people resolve conflict in ongoing business and personal relationships and bring their "A" game to difficult conversations. Since founding her NH-based conflict resolution firm Myriaccord LLC in 1997, Tammy has worked with individuals and organizations worldwide as a master mediator, executive coach, speaker, and educator. Author of the award-winning book, Making Mediation Your Day Job, she recently received the Association for Conflict Resolution’s prestigious Mary Parker Follett award for innovative and pioneering work in her field. Her second book, The Conflict Pivot, was released in 2014.

 



Email Author
Author Website

Additional articles by Tammy Lenski

Comments