Getting “hooked” by a conflict is the experience of being mentally snagged, caught by the conflict in such a way that you find yourself ruminating on it and feeling emotionally off balance.
The earlier you know you’re hooked, the better your chances of handling things in ways you can feel good about later. Here are some signs to watch for:
Your body is conveying the physiological signs of anger
(audio excerpt from my mini-course, Keeping Your Cool in Conflict
Your inner lizard
is on alert and starting to call the shots.
You want to vent your anger to someone you trust — even though venting is a bad idea indeed
Your thoughts are like a runaway train,
escalating you even in the absence of the other person.
You find yourself using totalizing language
when thinking or talking about the situation.
You’re soothing yourself by blamestorming
You’re using one of the ten best ways to win an argument
…or — egads! — more than one.
Dr. Tammy Lenski helps people resolve conflict in ongoing business and personal relationships and bring their "A" game to difficult conversations. Since founding her NH-based conflict resolution firm Myriaccord LLC in 1997, Tammy has worked with individuals and organizations worldwide as a master mediator, executive coach, speaker, and educator. Author of the award-winning book, Making Mediation Your Day Job, she recently received the Association for Conflict Resolution’s prestigious Mary Parker Follett award for innovative and pioneering work in her field. Her second book, The Conflict Pivot, was released in 2014.