A third party can help settle long-standing conflict

Q:    My boss has asked me and my co-worker to mediate a conflict between us that has escalated to the point of jeopardizing our jobs. I know that people successfully use mediation in the workplace to reach an agreement that resolves an ongoing conflict but how will I know if we reach a good agreement?

A:    You'll work hard in mediation to get to the root of the problem and to overcome your differences. Your mediator will be assisting you every step of the way, including the "home stretch" when you'll determine what each of you needs, as well as what each of you can do, to move forward.

You'll be encouraged to identify areas of agreement as clearly and specifically as possible and to put your agreement in writing to serve as a solid foundation for the future. Together you'll review your agreement using the following basic hallmarks of collaborative negotiation:

Is it fair? Keep in mind that "fair" is a lot like "beauty" — its meaning is found in the "eye of the beholder." You both need to feel that the agreement is fair and reasonable for you. You'll also have to consider its impact on others in the workplace, as well as on your employer.

Is it balanced? It takes two to "tangle" and it takes two to effectively resolve conflict. One-sided agreements usually involve giving in, giving up, or an effort by one party to control the other. Each of you must have a stake and a role in resolving the conflict and implementing the agreement.

Is it realistic? You might both agree that your boss needs leadership training but really can't do anything about it. You need to have the authority, time, energy, skills, resources, etc. to carry out the action steps being proposed. You can agree that one or both of you will ask someone else to do something, but you can't make agreements for others not present in the mediation.

Is it future oriented? Remember that you're human — your good work in mediation is hardly a guarantee that you won't ever have another conflict. As the foundation for the future, your agreement should consider what you'll do at the first sign of a problem between you, as well as how you'll evaluate progress toward implementation and whether or not your solutions are working.

When all is said and done, a good agreement will only be as good as your commitment to making it work.