Look at Motives Objectively

My co-worker and I have similar responsibilities. When we have differing ideas about how to handle something, we're supposed to work it out on our own. If we can't, then our supervisor will make a decision for us. But my co-worker regularly takes things to our supervisor without talking to me first, probably so he can get his way. He used to come to me, so I don't get it. Maybe he's trying to get me fired. Help.

Unless you have good evidence that he wants you fired, you're making a big assumption about your co-worker's behavior — and we all know what happens when we assume. To figure this out, follow your own process and deal with the problem directly with your co-worker. But, first, answer these questions to help you look at the situation objectively.

What's changed? He came to you in the past so something has changed. Think about when the problem started — did something happen that might have triggered the change in his behavior? If you can pinpoint a specific time or situation, that's a good place to start when you meet privately to talk about the problem. If you can't, start with saying that you would like his help understanding what happened to change your working relationship.

Are you approachable? If you haven't listened to his ideas or have been overly critical of his opinions, he may have decided that going to your supervisor is better than doing battle with you. Use your meeting as an opportunity to demonstrate that you're willing to be more open to his viewpoints.

Are you responsive? If you haven't responded to issues raised by your co-worker in a professional and timely manner, he may have interpreted your behavior as procrastination, indifference or resistance. If he has a sense of urgency or the need for a decision in order to complete his work, it may make sense to him to go to your supervisor for direction. Talk about expectations and determine together how either of you will respond in the future.

Are you on the same page? By allowing your coworker to by-pass you, your supervisor may be giving mixed messages — you're expected to work it out and it's OK to skip that step. You and your co-worker need to talk with your supervisor together to clarify the process and the expectations.

A little objectivity will go a long way toward getting things back on track with your co-worker.