Set Boundaries with Coworker
My co-worker and I have shared an office for almost a year and are becoming good friends. She's smart, helpful, caring, fun and makes coming to work a pleasure. Unfortunately, she's also kind of a blabbermouth. We often share personal information with each other, which I keep to myself. She's perfectly comfortable with everyone knowing all about her personal life and seems to think I feel the same way. I really don't want others at work to know my personal business and I'm becoming uncomfortable telling her things. I know she's picking up on my discomfort because she's asked me what's wrong. How can I be her friend and still keep my privacy?
What you describe is all too common in the workplace. As we develop relationships, it's natural to share personal information. But there are few workplace policies regarding what happens with that information and many different ideas about what's appropriate. Problems start when a workplace friend "spreads" what you consider private information.It's easy for you to assume that your co-worker understands that you want your personal business kept private because you don't share hers. But, it's just as easy for her to assume that because she is comfortable having others know all about her personal life, the same is true with you. So, as usual, making assumptions just causes trouble. And even if you've sometimes said, "Don't tell anyone else" or, "This is just between us," she may have gotten the message that, unless you specifically ask her to keep something private, she is free to share it.
Clamming up is not solving the problem and may result in the loss of a friendship and a good working relationship. Instead, it's time to take your relationship to the next level by being open and honest. Begin by telling your caring, helpful coworker that you consider her a good friend and that's why you share personal information with her. Help her understand how much you value your privacy and why you're becoming uncomfortable telling her your personal business. Together you can figure out how her desire to be an open, outgoing person can be met without crossing your privacy boundary. Your friendship will be strengthened by embracing your differences and working through them.
How, when, where, and with whom aspects of our personal life are shared at work should be determined by personal preference. Help your co-worker understand yours.
