Get Communication Back on Track

I have an open door policy so that any employee can come to me with questions or concerns.  Yesterday one of my difficult employees confronted me with a concern about a new policy we’re implementing.  I’m embarrassed to admit that I really mishandled the situation.  Although the concern was presented as an accusation of favoritism, I should’ve listened rather than getting so defensive and telling her to stop bothering me with petty junk.  After cooling down and thinking more about it, I realized that her concern is legitimate and warrants further discussion.  How can I start that discussion without losing face?

Confrontation can be very constructive when handled appropriately.  The challenge is that most people confront the person rather than confronting the problem, which is just what your employee did when she turned her concern into an accusation.  While it’s no surprise that you felt defensive, you’re absolutely right in determining you should’ve handled it better.  So create an opportunity to reopen the lines of communication and you’ll both be empowered.

Attitude is everything!  Your label of “difficult” for your employee suggests you need to adjust your attitude about her.  Remind yourself that it’s important that she brought the concern to your attention regardless of her method.

Take a cue from Aretha – R-E-S-P-E-C-T is critical.  Approaching her respectfully may be as simple as telling her you’d like to hear more about her concern and asking when she’d like to talk.  Be careful with humor and that your language and tone convey respect.

Own your stuff.  Prepare an “I” message something like:  I got very defensive yesterday when you said that the new policy intentionally favors certain employees because equitable treatment is one of my priorities.”

Admit your mistake. Add a sincere apology like “I apologize for not listening respectfully and for minimizing your concern.  When I calmed down and thought about it more clearly, I realized that you have a legitimate concern that warrants more discussion.”

Hear her out before responding.  It’s unlikely that she’s mastered the art of confrontation since yesterday so be prepared to keep your emotions in check.  Sit on your lips, if necessary, so you don’t interrupt to defend or interrogate.  Use paraphrasing to ensure understanding and to let her know she’s been heard.

When you mishandle communication the first time, taking extra care when you try again will get things back on track.