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Marital Mediation Articles
A Divorce Lawyer's Suggestions For Mediators Scott Morgan This article offers advice from a practicing divorce attorney to mediators who are handling divorce cases. He offers his thoughts on how to best resolve difficult divorce cases. Addressed are issues such as whether there should be any limitations as to the parties being allowed to “vent,” whether joint sessions are helpful in divorce mediations, how to handle the situation when one side claims they are not able to settle because they are missing information, and whether potential court outcomes should be discussed. The Secret Language Divorce Lawyers Speak Laurie Israel Lawyers often use idioms rather than legal terms to explain concepts and strategies in divorce law to our clients. Somehow, these idiomatic terms are more descriptive and powerful in describing the dynamics and techniques that are present in a divorce than any other type of language. Do Children Fare Better in a Mediated or Litigated Divorce? Howard Chusid Sometimes, parents think that only they are getting divorced and the children aren't adult enough to merit being heard. This is a major mistake that may fester and manifest into problems in the future. Poor grades at school, stomach aches, missing school days, getting up late, not listening to teachers, alcohol and drug use are just some of the ways that children and adults react to the stress and acrimony of divorce. Prenups – Don’t Lawyer Up, Mediate! Laurie Israel Prenup articles typically talk about how resolving and clarifying money issues prior to marriage is a good thing. However, they do not take into account the very important component of most good marriages: the sharing of money and resources. So prenups aren't necessarily the best thing since sliced bread -- they can pose many problems for the future spouses. Going Deeper in Mediation Rachel Fishman Green, Esq. This article looks at going deeper in mediation. Specifically, how to resolve zero-sum divorce disputes through mediation. This case study examines detailed scenarios and arguments that often arise in divorce mediations. Divorce (In Itself) Does Not Pose Risk For Children Andra Brosh “It is not divorce in itself that can lead to problems in children. It is the divorce linked to interparental conflict, a lack of co-parenting, an unsuitable family climate, etc.,” according to Priscila Comino, a researcher at the University of the Basque Country’s (UPV/EHU) Faculty of Psychology. Marriage Closure Therapy: Tips for Family Mediators Susan Bulfinch Marriage Closure Therapy is a therapeutic intervention that assists couples who are struggling with the decision to stay married or to divorce. Tips for mediators working with divorcing couples are provided. Gender Balanced Co-Mediation in Family-Centered Conflict Joe Epstein, Robyn McDonald Situations involving multiple parties, experiences, and perspectives require skilled mediators who bring with them a finely tuned equilibrium, presence, and insight. A gender balanced, co-mediation team brings all three qualities to the resolution of family-centered conflict. Where are the Children During the Distance Mediation Process? Laura Luz Distance, or technology-assisted, family mediation allows parents undergoing separation to participate in mediation from their own homes, making it particularly convenient for parents who are caring for the children. It also creates an extra responsibility for these parents and the mediator, to ensure that the children who are in the home during the mediation don’t “fall through the cracks.” Strategies and common sense guidelines for family mediators who are looking to expand their practice into distance mediation are provided. Thoughts on Mediating Custody Jessica Spear, Jeffrey J. Beaton As a mediator, I have been involved in thousands of custody cases with their many nuances. Frequently, the perspectives of the participants amount to little more than parents playing out traditional gender roles. The mothers often argue a “tender years” position, and the fathers counter with a desire to be more than a mere “weekend dad.” The mediator’s role becomes especially frustrating when the parties truly believe an intractable position is in the best interest of the child. Divorce Humor Pete Desrochers Humor in life is wherever you find it, but divorce mediations aren’t exactly the best venues for humor…or are they? Singer, Linda: Difficulty of Advertising - Video Linda Singer Linda Singer shares her thoughts on why mediation is not as popular a service and field as it should be: difficult to advertise, people don't see benefits of negotiation, educational media not prevalent, and it is perceived as dull compared to litigation. The Peacemaking Option For Divorce And Dissolution Of Domestic Partnerships: How Family Scientists Support Interest Based Conciliation And What This Means For Separating Couples Thurman W. Arnold III The family sciences offer an approach for facilitating conciliation of the seemingly conflicting interests and needs of divorcing couples, and those dissolving domestic partnerships, that may be adapted by legal and other professionals to the task of mediation and peacemaking. By understanding the crisis of divorce, family scientists may help educate lawyers, and the clients themselves, to become peacemakers. Marital Agreements Upheld in Massachusetts John Fiske The Supreme Judicial Court of Massachusetts on July 16, 2010 answered in Ansin v. Craven-Ansin the long-deferred question of whether a marital agreement should be recognized. The answer is "yes." Their reasoning centers around the spouses’ freedom to contract, "permitting the parties to arrange their financial affairs as they best see fit.” Joan Kelly: Describing the book "Surviving the Break-Up" - Video Joan B. Kelly Joan Kelly talks about the central themes of her book, "Surviving the Break-Up". These include: impacts on children of different ages, impacts on the parents, reactions to the visiting relationship post-divorce, developmental impacts and behaviors over time. Constance Ahrons: Old Dissolution Model Was Damaging - Video Constance Ahrons Constance Ahrons discusses the pre-joint-cutody model for the relationship between Ex-spouses. The cultural norm was to have no relationship, because that meant that the ex-spouses where hanging on. Joan Kelly: Families Closer Post-Divorce - Video Joan B. Kelly Joan Kelly describes a research finding which concluded that families who mediated during the divorce had father's who were significantly more involved in their children's lives twelve years post-mediation. Chip Rose: Mediation and Collaborative Law - Video Chip Rose Chip Rose notes that the field of collaborative law is in its adolescence and there is tension between the collaborative law people who think they are creating something new when in reality mediators have been helping divorcing couples for decades. The history and experience in the mediation field is not always fully appreciated and valued. Andrew Schepard: Challenges Within Family Mediation - Video Andrew Schepard Andrew Schepard discusses challenges within family mediation: domestic violence, cultural differences and parties' expectations of the mediator, and a need to pre-screen violent parents. Singer, Linda: Interpersonal Mediation Builds Skills - Video Linda Singer Linda Singer describes how her interpersonal mediation experience in the past has helped her to mediate in multi-party, complex cases currently. The rapport-development skills she learned in interpersonal mediation carry over to multi-party disputes. Mediating A Divorce Sometimes Leads To Saving A Marriage Cynthia M. Fox In this and my next article, I will tell you of two situations where the mediation worked so well that instead of ending their marriages, the couples involved recommitted themselves to preserving their marriage. Joan Kelly: Collaborative Law vs. Mediation - Video Joan B. Kelly Joan Kelly describes a case she mediated and settled after the parents didn't get anywhere with collaborative law. Clarence Cramer: Safeguards for Mediating Domestic Violence Issues - Video Clarence Cramer Clarence Cramer talks about the basic safeguards for clients in a domestic violence dispute, emphasizing protection. Stephen Erickson: Teaching Parties to Negotiate - Video Stephen Erickson Stephen Erickson shares his satisfaction with teaching mediation and peacemaking skills, especially in domestic or child custody disputes. Constance Ahrons: Cultural Changes Influence Family Models - Video Constance Ahrons Constance Ahrons discusses how divorce does not mean automatic crises and disaster for a family and with cultural changes, family models are ever-changing. As long as the child has support, care, love, and stability in its relationships, they will be okay. Joan Kelly: Divorce Research Inspires Start in Mediation - Video Joan B. Kelly Joan Kelly describes that her research on divorce and the effects it had on families made her want to become a mediator. Stephen Erickson: Lack of Acceptance of Mediation - Video Stephen Erickson Stephen Erickson expresses his concerns about other professionals feeling "threatened" by mediation in addition to the labeling that occurs for different styles of mediation. Lisa Parkinson: Divorce Cases that Perhaps Should Not Be Mediated - Video Lisa Parkinson Lisa Parkinson gives three contexts in which divorcing couples should not mediate. A Great Weight Can Be Lifted: Another Advantage Of Marital Mediation John Fiske This article focuses on the benefits of marital mediation as an alternative to trying to deal with “Antenuptial Agreements” presented to you two weeks before the wedding during the Christmas holidays! Preview: "Views from the Eye of the Storm Family Edition" - 2 DVDs This is a preview of "Family Mediation Edition" from Mediate.com's Video Series "Views from the Eye of the Storm" with this DVD featuring 27 of the most experienced family mediators in the world. Full information and ordering are available at www.mediate.com/FamilyEdition McIssac, Hugh: Family Culture Requires Change in Response - Video Hugh McIssac Hugh McIssac examines the family in a historical context and what changes have come about recently that require more diverse responses. Clarence Cramer: Ability to Mediate Cases Involving Domestic Violence - Video Clarence Cramer Clarence Cramer shares his disagreement with those who say that domestic violence cases cannot be mediated. Joan Kelly: Conflict-Free Environment for Children During Divorce - Video Joan B. Kelly Joan Kelly describes how mediation can be a protective factor for children in the divorce process. If parents can engage in and deal with conflict without involving their children, the children will be better off. Neumann, Diane: Hard to Not Be Biased - Video Diane Neumann Diane Neumann discusses impartiality and neutrality in mediation. Constance Ahrons: Personal Experience with Divorce - Video Constance Ahrons Constance Ahrons describes her own divorce and how it would not have been so difficult if it had not been for lawyers becoming involved and escalating it. McKnight, Marilyn: Pushing the Envelope as Mediator - Video Marilyn McKnight Marilyn McKnight shares how mediators need to be pro-active about certain issues, such as pushing legislation and proving that domestic violence cases can be mediated. Donald Saposnek: Beginnings of ADR - Video Donald T. Saposnek Don Saposnek describes the shift that happened in Santa Cruz County regarding custody disputes. When mediated cases went through and did not re-enter the legal system, mandatory mediation became the norm for custody disputes. Lisa Parkinson: Hopes for Family Mediation in Beginning - Video Lisa Parkinson Lisa Parkinson shares what her hopes were as the mediation field was emerging - improving the way in which families went through divorce as well as changing the legal culture. Stephen Erickson: My Start in Mediation - Video Stephen Erickson Stephen Erickson tells of a tragedy with a client that occurred when he was practicing law. This event impacted his decision to move into divorce mediation. Governor Sanford – Give Marital Mediation a Try! Laurie Israel Like many mediators, I am pained to read accounts of celebrity brethren who struggle with their marriages. The media is insistent. The lights are glaring. Celebrities experience their marital problems under a microscope of public view. Yet, the problems they face are the same as many clients. The big issues are infidelity, money, perceptions of lack of contribution, boredom, lack of respect, spending no time together, and issues raised by children and in-law families. Divorce is not the inevitable end. Governor Sanford, I encourage you and your wife to give Marital Mediation a try! Marilyn McKnight: Early Involvement in Social Work - Video Marilyn McKnight Marilyn McKnight discusses how her early involvement in social work gave her an understanding of family law and divorce. McAdoo, Barbara: Seeing Litigation as Wrong Path in Many Cases - Video Barbara McAdoo Barbara McAdoo speaks of her experience with litigation and feeling like the clients were not addressing the problem in the right way. She felt they could have communicated more openly and directly with each other. Rose, Chip: Personal Background Creates Comfort with Conflict - Video Chip Rose Chip Rose's parents had a lot of conflict in their relationship so he was very comfortable as a divorce litigator. His family life prepared him to deal with conflict. Michael Lang: Pulled into Practice by Clients - Video Michael Lang Michael Lang speaks of his start in divorce mediation when he was a lawyer. Lisa Parkinson: Family Mediation Field in UK - Video Lisa Parkinson Lisa Parkinson describes how family mediation came about in the UK. Divorce rates were on the rise and research was revealing the harmful effects parental conflict had on children. The legal process promoted that conflictive environment, so mediation was thought to be an alternative. Marital Mediation: An Emerging Area Of Practice Laurie Israel, John Fiske, Ken Neumann, Susan K. Boardman This article describes the process of “Marital Mediation” as a relatively new field of family mediation, designed to keep couples together using established family mediation techniques. Previously many of these techniques were used solely in divorce mediation. We begin by describing what the process involves, how it differs from both couples counseling and divorce mediation, and why we believe it often works for couples when counseling has not. We also discuss suggestions for promoting the development of Marital Mediation using both research and marketing techniques. Rose, Chip: Frustrations with Legal System - Video Chip Rose Chip Rose talks about his extensive experience as a divorce litigator and how frustrated he became with the process mostly because there was no flexibility or ability to relate to the other client other than through the attorney. Neumann, Diane: Marketing Directly to Consumers - Video Diane Neumann Diane Neumann speaks about the importance of marketing your mediation practice to your targeted audience. Marilyn McKnight: Beginnings of Divorce Mediation - Video Marilyn McKnight Marilyn McKnight discusses the history and beginning of the divorce mediation field. Simulation: A Better Way - Video This simulation discusses multiple types of mediation. It gives an example of a foreclosure, community, marital, special education, elder, and landlord/tenant dispute. It was a submission to the ABA Dispute Resolution Contest by Child and Family Services. Hugh McIssac: Tiered Model for Divorcing Parents - Video Hugh McIssac Hugh McIssac describes a tiered model used in the Oregon courts for divorcing parents. If one process doesn't work, parents must move through the system of tiers, or processes, until they can work together. Roger Fisher: Comparison of Family and International Disputes - Video Roger Fisher Roger Fisher speaks of the different ways to handle international disputes and family disputes. He underlines the similarity that with both types of negotiations, you can separate the ideas and interests, develop options and possibilities, pick among the options and make a decision. Simulation: Family Mediation ADR in Action - Video This video produced by the Indiana Supreme Court gives an example of a marital and shared custody mediation. The mediator helps the parties to give their opening statement and to settle on issues to be negotiated. Hugh McIssac: Child Custody Mediation - Video Hugh McIssac Hugh McIssac shares an example of a child custody mediation he had early on. He notes that the positive outcome that resulted would never have occurred if it had been a court's decision. Clarence Cramer: Courts and Domestic Violence - Video Clarence Cramer Clarence Cramer discusses when a court should get involved in a case that involves domestic violence. Marital Mediation For Family Mediators John Fiske If you are a family mediator, you might expand your practice to offer mediation to help couples stay married. The process, called “marital mediation,” uses the specific settlement focus of mediation to preserve a marriage in ways not attempted by family therapy. The process uses your family mediation skills to help couples negotiate new terms for their marriage. Couples may use mediation to enter into a written post-marital contract defining their own solutions. Family Mediation Trailer - Video Family Mediation Edition Trailer is a remarkable collection of observations and experiences of 27 of the most experienced family mediators in the world. The mediators include: Constance Ahrons Maxine Baker-Jackson Kenneth Cloke Clarence Cramer Stephen Erickson Gregory Firestone Roger Fisher Jay Folberg Larry Fong David Hoffman Joan Kelly Michael Lang Bernie Mayer Hugh McIssac Marilyn McKnight Nina Meierding Diane Neumann Lisa Parkinson Leonard Riskin Chip Rose Peter Salem Frank Sander Don Saposnek Andrew Schepard Carl Schneider Margaret Shaw Zena Zumeta Meierding, Nina: Influential Experts - Video Nina Meierding Nina Meierding describes different expert mediators that have influenced her in different fields within mediation including custody disputes, domestic violence, and who has challenged her and made her rethink ideas. Rose, Chip: Beginnings of Collaborative Law - Video Chip Rose talks about his first introduction to collaborative law and how it seemed to fill the gap between traditional litigation and the kind of divorce mediation he was practicing which was clients with no lawyers. Contemplating My Navel and Conflict Resolution At my age, I find my thoughts wandering backwards in time, with long-lost memories bubbling up occasionally. I ponder these memories and cherish them. I parse them for meaning, like dreams in the night remembered suddenly the next day, with a jolt of recognition into their inner meaning. FAQs About Mediation To Stay Married Mediation to Stay Married (also known as Marital Mediation) is a method of helping couples who are experiencing marital problems and would prefer to stay together rather than get divorced. This article answers common questions about the process Mediation to Stay Married – A Technique with Promise There is a veil of silence that surrounds every married couple. Spouses express loyalty by not complaining about their partner or their marriage. People feel ashamed if other people know there are problems in their marriage. People often feel that they are the only ones with an imperfect marriage. The truth is that every marriage is complex and every marriage is a blend of the imperfect, the perfect, and everything in between.
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